h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi! Hello and Welcome! I'm Wargamer, the CO-MAPP Bursar. If you need any odd jobs done (everything from finance to demolition) then you've come to the right place!

The roof seems to be missing one of its gargoyals. Could you try and find him for me?

*Sighs* It's Vernon again, isn't it?

Yes he's been doing it alot lately.

He tends to... He'll be down at the Albert Dock... no idea /how/ he gets there, but he does...

Im clueles.

I'll go get him.
*Goes off to book a taxi to the Albert Dock*

So.. Vernon Does This Regularly?

He's done it three times since you last posted...

*enters the room carefully.(Mort has learnt to be VERY careful)*
Ahh scuse me I was looking for Wargamer, I need a couple of doors dragon-proofing. I dont suppose you have you seen him recently?
*There is a sullen looking gargoyle sitting behind the desk smelling terrible*
Righty ho - not to worry will pop back later when the air is cleansed
*Mort closes door quickly before retching onto a passing student.*

*Walks in. Hello Vernon. Any news?*
"Egg. Er Ort ohed ooh oh du a-oh oof a oh oors."
'Yes? Sir Mort wanted you to... Dragonproof a few doors?'
"Egg."
*Wargamer nodded. Vernon is an Urban Gargoyle, and has a drainpipe stuck in his mouth, meaning it's permanently open.*
Okay, I'll go find him...

Wargamer, found you at last, about those doors - need a spot of dragon proofing. Bars all ready just need the doors sorted. There's a drink in it for you!

*Mort wanders out muttering*
Just hope we are not too late.......

Wargamer, hows it going? Little bit worried about the new chappie in the gardens Mystrunner. Havent heard from him for a day or two. Wondered if you might have a look in the gardens for him? - Just in case, if you know what i mean. *Cough* would er go myself but er *cough* you are so much better with plants (and things) than I am.
drink in it for you!

*There is the sound of someone falling out of a chair, and running very fast towards the Garden...*

*Mort walks into Bursary to see if Wargamer fancies a .*





*vernon sits in Wargamers chair totally unaffected by them. (do not have a sense of smell then? ) *



* Mort... very fast *

*Walks in, and stares at the gathered in his office.*
Oi! What the heck are you all doing here!? Out! Out! OUT!!!

*enters wargamers office, seemingly unaffected by the s*
um, i found the kitchen, but it could do with refurbishing. any chance of a grant?

wake up!!

all i did was ask for a grant, and everybody vanished!! does this mean i have to redo the kitchen by myself?

You asked for money?

*Vernon sits there with a rye grin on his face - well the gargoyle equivalent anyway*

No wonder everyone did an Elvis. The common rule regarding cash is to do it and put in a claim in such poor handwriting no-one knows what it says and generally they pay up

Works for me at the bar anyway

Co-Mapp has been paying everybodies bar tab for months

Wargamer was destroying the building... err playing... err... i mean practising with his weapons yesterday in the gardener. Mighty big hole he created too - very impressive.

did you sort out a for the oven yet?

*nods in the direction of Vernon*

he understands every word you know...