h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

the poor man will never get out of the dirt he ain't a Yorkshire knight I keep still like a staTUEtte and hire MY bald patch out as a skating rink for fleas gorra make money even if doing nowt


>TTE<

Actually Eric The Bald shaved his scalp when he saw how other knights lost their lives because their enemies got hold of their long manes. Shaving scalp is common eTiquETte among Eric's people now



>TTE<

if his people weren't so unTEThered, they could ALL shine their heads and put any enemy to disarray by facing the sun

>RED<

Surely the combatants are not REDuced to such disgraceful tactics, where's all the chivalry gone.

CED

chivalry can be a bit bEClouDed at times, so a touch barefaced cheek can win the fight

>DED<

Chivalry went out the window the drEaDeD thursday Sir Prise promised to look out for my damsel. I never could get the hang of thursdays



>DED<

I think the king DEciDed that Thursdays were banned and we would have a pancake Tuesday instead

DED

Thursday is intenDEDely chase the poacher dayFriday is venison steak day (the one he killed on the lord of the manors land)

>ELY<

We'll have fish excLusivElY today. We caught the local fishmonger in an ambush



>ELY<

I YiELd to Thursdays being reinstated but will never accept that kick a varlet Sundays be banned

ELD

LEnD me an ear, will you? Everything is becoming so politically correct these days! I mean okay, shooting peasants should probably be banned (who would plow our fields if we shot too many of them?) but where would we be without pheasants to accompany our burgundy?



>END<

commENDable actions my fellow knights, but! recall in basic trainingdon't touch YOUR serfs, do the next counties

>BLE<

I've asked giLBErt if he's seen Tri-Quack around, hope he's not unwell as he's missing the action as such

>ERT<

If anything has happened to Tri-Quack we shall RETaliate with full force

After the next break



>ATE<

oh dear a serf lost control of his cart and it ran down the hill, it was stopped by a cow though! before reaching the village square beefsTEAks for dinner

>AKS<

Pity it didn't hit a lorry laden with cASKs of burgundy also



>SKS<

lorry's not invented in those days of yore

but the bacKSwordSmen were always on guard around the village

Details! Who cares as long as there's burgundy galore, as the old wino MeNtionEd



>NED<

We should not DENigrate any knight as an old wino....old is such a hurtful label

ATE