h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You can add SJW aswell, maybe not JGD just yet. Maybe we could convince him tomorrow.

*raises eyebrow*

Better things to do. Like clean my weapon.

YOUR MSN CLIENT IS F****D. GET A NEW ONE. WHEN YOU DO, POST HERE AND I'LL UNBLOCK YOU.

*is suspended from ceiling, silently observing*
*uses the microwave he rigged up in SM's cupboard to screw with borg-ish stuff*

*on the ground draws a g36k*

*empties an entire clip of 5.56mm ammunition directly at captain venom and then goes off in search of a LAW*

*is lucky he had his subspace field generator on, the bullets simply bend away from his body* *he disappears*

*picks a handful of off the floor. dwarf tries to pick it up at the same time, and a struggle ensues, with Goose ending up victorious.*

Pretty good, but I would have used a little less butter... does anyone want to play BS? I was supposed to play with Saturn Girl, but she left...

*cries silently*

Incorrect Catachresis, Rifle 1, I need my box of special bits. Can you displace it here ASAP

*A reinforced equipment transport crate appears in the middle of the floor*

Axe, can you please give me a hand getting this little lot set up?

*Takes out an incredibly hi-spec holographic terminal, lots of fat data cables, seven small black and very complex looking devices, and a subspace transciever*

Okay... these plug in via an interface box here.

*Starts typing away, staring furiously at the terminal display that's just appeared in midair*

Okay...

/home/rt84f>loc | subscan -r 20
Disruption v(0,4,6) gravitational -0.38 (generated: Franzhof field?)

Right... so I can link the scanner to my Franzhof generator, and that should precisely cancel out CVs...

/home/rt84f>loc | subscan -c "franzhof" -r 20 -n -t
Disruption v(0,4,6) gravitational -0.38 (generated: Franzhof field?)
Tracking enabled.
Creating pipe to callback application "franzhof"
Inverse Franzhof field established... maintained.

Njan. If you'd be so kind, try shooting him again.

Hang on... he disappeared! Oh well, that routine'll stop him from using the bullet-bending trick again.

Now... has he gone, or is he hiding?

*Starts hacking away again*

*looks at the cables*

OK, standard SCI conenctions...

*plugs the components into the interface box, along with a small transmitter to copy Krans' tty output to his PDA*

Thanks.

Now I've got my evil toolkit together, I can make a security system that works.

Incorrect Catachresis, Rifle 1, can you check my system isn't interfering with displacers?

One rogue turret out of 102 isn't bad for a second attempt ...

Not bad at all... though you still haven't told us why it went rogue...

The drive moter in it wasn't calibrated right at all. Manufacturer's problem. These days, you'd expect the QA teams to do their jobs properly...

QA team doing their job properly? Don't make me . The company would go bankrupt!

Hmm...

Methinks we should find a way to make Laser Turrets open source. It worked for PCs...

ROTFLAO

*Hopes the dwarfs finished off the popcorn in time*

ROTFLAO = Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

*njan walks in*

Alright, external security sorted, like. Two multiple-redundancy rackmounted weapons controllers.. *njan gestures over to a rack full of computers with flashing lights in one corner* along as a second set those in an undisclosed location. There's also a dampened effector-link between each node and the GSV, just in case the mesh network gets taken out.

Seven field control units, each of which has a 20-parsec full-EMS sensor array. two plasma batteries per FCU, in addition to a gridfire unit every other unit. There's also a geostationary ROU which is providing a remote monitoring station for the entire thing, and a backup effector platform. There are also 10 ROUs which have been hidden in the surrounding landscape, just for fun, and we also have a further four which are providing a quite neat forcefield. It's the same sort that they use as a containment and structural integrity shield around GSVs, only proportionally contracted and upgraded. Further to that, there are some extra weapons lockers, a militant drone or 20, and some knife missiles. *njan brushes the solder off his gelsuit, smiles, and takes some

*along WITH a second set OF those

grr.

I know, I overlapped tags. I don't care.

[computer] Trojan detected in holo-projector sector.
*appears in holoform* Nice job you've done here. The physical security is excellent... But your PC security
[PC] beginning delete
is quite lax. *half of the laser turrets turn on the other half, which effectively cancels out the laser defense*
[PC] Error in file delete... Abort, Retry, Fail?
*each FCU battery turns on the others, in a huge furball. The input terminals are locked out due to "test mode"*
[PC] Automatic retry begun... attempting delete
*the knife missles all fire at the ROU's stashed everywhere*
I guess I'll be going again... *disappears*
[PC] Trojan Virus Deleted... Have a nice day! ERROR! Massive battle. No enemy detected... does not compute... This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down! *crash!*