h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In the full beating glare of the sun stands the most battered building in the fort; the prison. Currently empty, two large cages are looked after by the Jailer, a massive Rottweiler, and his two flea cronies.

Flies seem to congregate in this area more than anywhere else. Attempts to blame this on the Jailer's distintive and powerful smell are met by short bouts of extreme violence and a swift visit to the Vet.

of arabia:
I'm not guilty, I tell you!! Not..Giulty! I don't know how that Cat got in my backpack!
I'm just an itenerant Camel Jockey, wandering around the desert, playing Polo on the professional Camel Polo circuit! What have you done with my Camel, Clyde??


From cell #8:
Aaahuaaghrrph!

*starts idly playing with two handy bricks whilst eyeing up the camel*

*Phases through the bars, fies up to hover nose to muzzle with Red Dog.*
"And, just what were you planning to do with those bricks???"

I wuz gonna bust you and Clyde out if the Colonel didn't believe you

uh, huh.....



With 2 bricks.








O.K. Here, distract him with this.*hands him a big, juicy steak*
For the Guard.


*pulls out lockpick, starts working on the lock.*

Have you requested a meeting with the Colonel .... I'm sure you'll be able to explain away the camel, the sheet and the cat in the backpack easily

I mean, if you try and escape you know he'll assume you're guilty of something or another and you'll still be trapped in the fort with a whole company of Fleagionaires. Are you sure you've thought this through properly.

Just trying to be helpful and all that

*puts bricks down in case he gets his thumbs caught between them*

I was hoping for a little mischief behind the walls. You know, mad chase scene and then lurking in the tunnels, making tacky comments.Then maybe rounding up the rats or dust devils to defend the fort and redeeming myself. There's always 1 troublemaker in every fort
O.K. *slips back into the jail cell, calls out to the guard, raking her tin cup along the bars.*"Hay, I wanna see the Colonel!! Ah'm Innocent!! Innocent, I tell You!!!"

'Allo, it is I, Colonel N7! *twirls immaculately waxed moustache and swishes flyswat*

So you say zat you are innocent, eh? Well, whezzer you are or non, we are all in ze deep trouble. Ze chats, er, how you say... cats 'ave surrounded ze fort, so every pair of 'ands is useful now.

*unlocks cage*

Jurst make sure you don't do it again, comprend? Now, allez, allez! Make yeurself useful!