h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*still can't stop at RD's use of the word "squirty"*

I don't know about pheasants but I have a few big peasants back at the Schlöss.(along with a pheasant plucker and a pheasant plucker's son)

i beleive that friar tuck has already banned spoonerisms

*Notices gl taking aim* No, no, gl, a little to the left. That'll put them right in Haite. You wouldn't want to miss.

...and don't forget to allow for wind.

* dons crash helmet and wonders what will happen next*

*Starts stuffing UH in the cauldron with Red Dog*

BIT OF A TIGHT FIT, BUT YOU TWO NEED TO GET USED TO BEING CLOSE ANYWAY. I'VE PUT YOU BACK-TO-BACK. I'LL HAVE NONE OF THOSE PRE-MARITAL SHENANEGANS IN MY CAULDRON!



GOT ANY LUGGAGE?

Just my bouquet

*Glances at Red Dog's bouquet.*

OH, I'M SURE WE CAN STUFF A LOO BRUSH IN HERE SOMEWHERE.



OH, SORRY, UH.

*nudges UH*

Sweetie .... time to pose for a commemorative photo. Smile for the birdie !

*FLASH*

arg! that bouquet doesnt go *there*!

OKAY, EVERYONE READY? FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS. HAR HAR HAR

*GL ties one end of a very long rope to the cauldron handle.*

FOR THE RETURN FLIGHT.

*Grabs handle of the cauldron and begins swinging the cauldron back and forth in increasing arcs. After a few swings, the motion becomes circular and picks up speed. The cauldron and the two people in it become a blur, then, with a grunt, GL lets go of the handle and the cauldron sails out the window, followed by a boom as it goes supersonic. The rope snakes out the window into the distance.*

WELL, THEY'RE OFF TO HAITI ON AIR LUPUS FLIGHT 1.



*Turns to ex-R.*

DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD WANT TO GO TO HAITI TO GET MARRIED. WHAT'S THE APPEAL OF A LITTLE ISLAND IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC FULL OF CANNIBALS?

*somewhere over the Carribean*

So Unc, where's the in flight entertainment, the trolley dolly's and the free peanuts ?

*Calls on Lugia. Flies ahead of them, and sets up a biiiig matress.*
"There you go. Now you can land safely."

*The Carribean flys by underneath the cauldron, followed by Central America, then lots of Pacific Ocean. Soon a small island appears on the horizon and the cauldron starts to lose altitude. As the cauldron is about to impact at high speed, GL looks at his watch, utters a hasty "oops" and tugs on the rope. The cauldron rapidly decellerates and lands gently on a pile of sticks in the centre of an open space surrounded by grass huts. Standing open-mouthed around the pile of sticks are a group of skinny natives with bones in their hair and shrunken heads around their necks. They are speachless for a few moments, then they all fall to their knees and bow down, then raise their hands to the sky in thanks. One native, with skin painted elaborately with ashes, stands up and addresses the group.*

Shaman: See! Akmuht has provided! My ritual has worked, we are saved from starvation. Some people have dropped in for dinner.

*goes squirty again*