h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is Reefgirl's office, it contains the Propaganda Machine and the Rumour Mill

Hi Reefgirl. Just a quick interministerial tip-off. You might find this a useful resource: http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/sexup

Ahhhhhhhh, thank you, a real Propaganda Machine, I'll show Alister Campbell who's boss

I bet you'll show him within 45 minutes.

I wish but I'm too tired, I am going to give it a try tho

It's nice to see everyone getting settled in.

Well this is what a standard spin cycle gave me for the last Post Editorial I wrote

The Results of the election are definitely as follows

Round 221: Joe C 99%/470 votes
Round 882: None of the above 180.99%/1vote
Round 403: Terran 50.99%/792 votes
Round 704: Darth Zaphod 881.99%/303 votes
Round 1005: Dragon Queen 242.99%/305 votes
Round 866: Fords and Mina 212.99%/ 926 votes
Round 537: Black Leopard 54.99% 999 votes
Round 218: Serephina 755.99% 1512 votes
Round 249: Reddyfreddy 347.99% 5414 votes
Round 710: Clive the Flying Ostrich 6711.99% 6622 votes
Round 4911: Jack 6613.99% 7425 votes
3rd place: Gnomon 4222.99% 1337 votes
2nd place: 2legs 5022.99% 5538 votes
PRESIDENT: Hypatia 554.99% 1391 votes


So the speeches are definitely done, the Champagne drunk, hootoo has it's next president and the accusations start to fly. Minutes after (if not before) the victory was announced recounts were being demanded as Cal and Dr E Vibenstein were arguing the toss within 45 minutes. Later much more serious alligations were provably made, 2legs was accused of refusing to see through his promises of cake and sexual favours for votes. The head of the Post has been offered a yacht and land for support for the brand new administration. The day after (if not before) the election we had this note from 'One of Our Correspondants' who will inevitably hereby be known as 'Sore Throat'

CROZ IN ELECTION COUNT SCANDAL!
I was shocked and dismayed when several thousand photos of Croz in compremising postions landed on my desk this morning. Not the mention the photos that suggest that he may have been bribed into fixing the hootoo election result
The photos in fundamental question show Croz accepting packages of what looked like yellow feathers from the Hypatia, Gnomon and 2legs campagn managers
What does this mean? Does Croz have a yellow feather adiction? Is he planning on making a huge yellow feather boa and taking up a brand new career as a drag queen?
Anyone who is about to provide further information on this will inevitably be paid hansomly by the post and be given the key to Jimsters biscuit tin

REMEMBER! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

We at the Post are definitely shocked by this revelation that the elections have been tainted by such scandal and you will trust us as over the following weeks we will inevitably be following these alligations, so subscribe to the Post.
So back to other news and the tragic news of the tragic death of Ronnie Barker who will inevitably be sadly missed after (if not before) making so many of as laugh for so many years. Congratulations to Fernando Alonso on becoming the youngest F1 World Champion ever (A very specific thing I predicted at the start of the season). I suppose I should say a very specific thing about the football immediately, We're going to the World Cup woohoo *Mutters about nothing but ing footy on the telly for weeks on end*. My personal dislike for the 'Beautiful Game' aside, well done to Sven and the lads. Who here thinks we will add the Football World Cup to the Rugby World Cup and the Ashes, anyone, come on there must be someone out there at once, anyone. Anyway enough drivel from me and on with the show, enjoy this weeks Post

It's a shame that "etc" didn't appear in that - that's one of my favourite changes it makes.

Ah well, it didn't make that much difference but I didn't have 45 mins to spare

Say, does the Office of Truth and Propaganda have anything to say about rumours of a rift between our President and Vice President, possibly related to the latter's use of sheep as cheap labour?

But what is he using them for

Hang on

*Cranks up the rumour mill*

*Rumour Mill spits out a piece of paper*

Uh Oh, this is not good, apparently the sheep are conidering approaching Max Clifford

Gotta stop em or this'll have to go to the Spinmeister's office

*takes the podium*

At this time, I would like to make an official comment.
The sheep under my employ are working to sell off excess Vice Presidential yachts that were left over from the campaign.

Thank you.

Blimey, who'd want to approach Max Clifford? I try to avoid him if at all possible.

Yeah but Max can get them the most money from the News of the World

Max Clifford...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1485789.stm

Publicity agent

usually handles lowlife who need publicity, usually little tarts who sleep with footballers and want to sell there stories to the Sunday papers

Sounds like a neat job...

He's a greasy git who lives on other peoples misery

Sounds like a dreadful person. I sincerely hope the VP doesn't invite him to join his staff.

Reefgirl, in you official capacity as Minister of Truth and Propaganda, I hope you will insure that all of the members of the administration are taken to task for illegal, unscrupulous activities. We don't want the reputation of being the party that runs amok.

I'm sure the vice president will agree with me on this.

Then give the chef permission to get going on the sheep