h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Compassion, understanding, and respect are essential to any relationship if it is to survive. Beyond that, what *does* cause a friendship to survive?

I think the three things above are a major issue, but also the foundations - or rather the beginnings - of a friendsip are important, too. Something in common, whatever it may be; a willingness to connect to another person; and something that stands out (being there in a time of need or the like). Emotional support is necessary, but also a friend is someone who will both enjoy the good times and help you carry the burden of difficulties. A friend is consistent. A friend does not judge you; your soul is your soul, and whatever is on the outside is irelevant. I believe we find the people that we do in this life because there is some sort of cosmic connection, something that fingerprints us to find the people we most need and that most need us.

But more important than the need is the want. The option of being around the person. A pleasantness rather than an obligation.

Someone you can learn from, and someone who can learn from you. Friends help each other grow and develop as human beings.

I've noticed that women tend to form friendships on an emotional level - their friends are the ones who are close to them at heart. Men seem to form relationships based on activities, those with whom they do stuff. Friendships between men and women often have an odd balance; men (and this again is observation I'm going on here) seek out the friendship of women because they feel safer, that the woman is a safe place to be emotionally. Women seek out friendships with men because there's an element there that they often don't find with their women friends, usually having something dynamic, but not just going out and about.

Friends are also stable. Not necessarily stable as people; if we were all stable in that way we probably wouldn't need friends. But stable in your life. Reliable, but not necessarily "there all the time". But someone who won't desert you; someone that can work it out, whatever it is that happened. Someone who knows the inner you so well that they can understand what you do, if they care to listen (which a friend will). And of course, respect and communication are vital in this area.

A friend will not try to hurt you. A friend does not seek revenge, does not spite you. A friend does not use you for your time, for your money, or for their emotional outpours without expecting to return the same. A friend does not *use* you. A friend does not knowingly hurt you, certainly not without being themselves deeply wounded for doing so; a friend never abuses.

These may seem like high ideals, but they are how I would define true friendship. And even if they are high ideals... Wouldn't friendships be so much better if they could be reached?
The friendships I have that are like this are the ones I regard as my true friends. The ones that don't ...well, I tend to call them acquaintances.

A friend is a safe place.

Friends make mistakes, but are willing to understand them. And friends forgive for mistakes and help you to overcome what caused the mistake in the frist place. A friend will work on whatever issue for the sake of themselves and the friendship.

A friend values you for you, and only you, what is inside.

It really isn't so hard to live up to if you love someone and care about them and wish the best for them. The tricky part is always finding the balance between what you wish for them - such as helping them - and what you wish for yourself. It is very difficult to uphold a good and true relationship if you do not care about yourself. So where do you draw the line when you are faced with the option of hurting them or hurting yourself?
Well, friendship is there to help you make the decision...
..But such cases are rare, and if we are lucky, never pop up.

It requires a delicate balance. The best friends, and those who "click", are the ones with whom you can acheive that balance with very little effort. Sometimes, it takes more effort, but if the effort is there on both sides and ends up successful, it accomplishes the same goal. To have even one friend of this type is amazing luck in life. My mother had always told me when I was little that if I even had one good, true friend in life, I was very lucky. Sometimes I feel like I have none. But more often, when I think carefully about it, I am grateful to find that I have more than one.

Okay, so I'm philosophical, I think too much, and I ramble on more than is healthy for anyone to read.

But hey, I've had over two years to *really* think about what friendship is. I've learned a lot. Because really, all I could do was think.