h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Make mine a pint 'o Murphs or four or five an' I'll be right with ya, dear old chap. is worse than working class it's Irish, but wot the heck, cor blimey an likewise tally ho.

I say Dellers and steady on old gel - you're sounding a touch like that Dick van Dyke fellow in Mary Poppins !

I should jolly well stay orf the if I were you

Mumbles to himself: Won't need any ice anymore - the atmosphere in here is chilling enough to freeze the liquid in the compass in a Merchantman's engineroom...!

*delves into the box of stuff from "The Colonies" and extracts the bottle of Cane Spirit. Pours good wollop onto the ice in his glass and fills it up with that American cola stuff*

"Spook and Diesel!"
Your very good health, Chaps!

*holds glass in such a way that his fingers "accidentally" form a rude sign at the No-ice Brigade*

You're a rum cove Wrinklers

I rather believe we have some like-minded chums out there Chaps http://www.thechapmagazine.com/

A fine quarterly of impecable taste and refinement. Dashed hard to get hold of though I find.

I'm not going to subscribe till I understand their position on Frenchies though.

*harummph*

The best position to have with Frenchies is to have the mademoiselles bouncing up and down on top of YOU!

Ahhhhh cavorting ..... I remember that

Morning all. What? Where have I been for the last three weeks? I've had the bally flu sir thats what!! Now lets have whatevers left behind the blasted bar and make it a treble!! (looks around )well whats young master blair been up to whilst I've been laid low? Silly bleeder,of course there were womd in the country before the war..well documented in 'The Death Lobby' for a start off,but any fool could have told them the regime had sold them on!! Har Har.Nice man Blair but he's up against whitehall and everyone knows what that means..(looks around for a chair) Hmm I wonder what the odds on mister Rotten are? Might just give my bookmaker a call.

Mornin'? Whadayamean mornin'? What the devil are you wittering about, lady L? *looking round blearily*

Now that's better! Perfectly toppin' mornin' this mornin', couldn't agree with you more, old gel! Have a spot of something, do!

Oh, if you are getting 'em in, wot? I feel the urge for something gin based on this fine day.

When I hear gin, I can't help thinking of somethin' toothless sittin' on grimy stairs directin' lewd remarks at the passer bys, what? Bit plebejan, old fruit, hm? Have a Glen Wobble, is my advice. minus the ice.

In my view the delights of an early evening Gin are only surpassed by the inhalation of a large hand-made Havana slowly rolled on the soft inner thigh of a cuban maiden.

Wuff-Wuff

See what I mean? Goes exactly to illustrate the point I was makin', what, don't it now!

Redders, ol'boy, you may have your fine Havana leaf and stick it in yer mouth to light it - I'll settle for savouring the fresh aroma of the leaf right off the maiden's inner thigh!

Time for a good Jamaican rum - on ice!

*sigh*

Aaaaah. Nothing like a seat beside the fire. Let the warmth get into these bones of mine. It's damn cold out there.

Hmm all very well but strikes me that not a lot of work has been done around here recently..dust in the glasses if you please.And I don't know who has been paid to do the garden but one of the things they haven't done is the garden
Talking of Cuba, fine episode of auf wiedersein pet last night wasn't it? Not that I watch much television of course as a rule.Hurrumph.

'sides, the chairs by the fire have all name plates on 'em as you'd notice if any brasso was applied on these premises, which it hasn't been for donkey's years and don't look like it will now, for all the arch talk we've had to endure here lately, an' jus' because the inhabitant might have passed away quietly, unnoticed an' unlamented, don't mean the chair's vacant, au contraire as the Frenchy said in the Bay of Bisquay when they asked him if he'd dined...

What about that young feller we were going to employ dellars,bout time we put that little plan into motion what?

Holy cockatoo, lady L., here i been craning me neck each time the damn door goes thinkin' it's the applicants arrivin'? You ain't tellin' me you didn't insert the add in all the papers, 'cept for The Times, jus look round at the individuals readin' The Times, not blessed with any of the er specifics we specified, an' you can't be too discernin' in the choice of gardener, what? ...I think we finally agreed one blond, one brown, didn't we?