h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, but this drink is special - it'll allow you to come and go as you please...*looks deeply into Red Dog's eyes, her own eyes glowing slightly, bemusing, confusing*

...*enters holding Red Dog's clothes...*Yo'! Anyone see a man wearing a potted plant? That's MY plant, it was a plant in the 'ladies' at the dance...*stopping to pick glass out of her hair...*I'm
not very happy just now...look at my gown! Tattered...my feet are cut, my...ahh skip it...may I have a drink, please? ...*tosses Red Dog's stuff onto an empty chair...*
MEDIC!!!!!! MEDIC!!!! ...*sits with cut feet up on chair awaiting a medic...if it takes as long to get a medic as it did yto be helped from the rubble...*Ohmyhell...

Oh Oh ! Now Pandora, I have to say old stick that the hullabaloo in there was not exactly all of my making. What with Unkkers spending the whole darned time in a blessed cupboard, Pollers valet being all fingers and thumbs, Bassers arriving late, Inkers and Apollo faffing around with those poles we didn't get orf to the best of starts did we.

Our crack legal team will handle all complaints and claims for compensation but for clarity's sake I will not, in any circumstances, that I can forseee at this juncture, admit liability or culpability or let go of this pot plant.

Now about that drink Titania and the rather steep asking price ... I might be tempted to lend you our gardener Hog U189304 for a while. He's a bit tempermental and a bit smelly but he does know his gardens. How about a short secondment eh. Come on what do you say - you scratch my back and I'l scratch yours eh

...*thinks about it for awhile...wants her plant back...looks slowly up into Red Dog's rather red eyes...and whispers in her most sultery voice...* bite me.

*turns up with Redders' regimental attire*

Hallo, old boy. Thought you'd be wanting these back.
I say, you seem to have wandered into a right precious little garden here.
The landscaper would have a field day!

*having received complaints from the flower s that the recent arrivals are not paying much attention to the beauty of the Ethereal Elven Garden*

*looks at the assembling crowd*

*nods to self*

*drifts off, in her usual vague, elf-like manner*

*meanwhile dark clouds show up on the sky, hiding the sun*

*a thunder can be heard in the distance*

*looks at tempting Filly*

*looks at gathering clouds*

Inkers old chap I don't suppose you've got a brolly on you eh. One of those large commenorative Chaps Club ones in green and gold would be very handy right now. Looks as if troubles brewing, what !

*starts hiding under a large leaf of the pot plant when he notices something slightly odd*

I say Inkers .... these fronds, aren't they you know, nudge-nudge, wink-wink, .... sort of not strictly legal as it were, what.

Well bless me I seems to have "liberated" a real pot pot plant. No wonder Panders over there was so keen to get it back. Splendid what !

Ooooooo I love storms!!! Wheee! ...*twirls around & around...takes the plant from Red Dog as he stands watching her skirt twril...* I take it EVERYWHERE I go...*
runs into a tree & falls flat...*

Nothing of the sort, dear departing lady. I was just thinking how well the whole garden would go down at the annual royal flower show.

Red Dog, old boy. Never leave home without it! *unfurls club brolly*
You can get under too, Pandora old gal. Big enough for three, what!

Those leaves smell kind of... familiar...

*clutches nether regions with one hand and holds brolly with the other*

Yes Inkers a certain unmistakable aroma. First run across it when I led a hiking expedition across the Andes after the war.

what an odd place for a tree...right in a garden.
Hey, where's my...*sniff-sniff*...there it is!!! s to Red Dog who seems to be doing a rather poor Michael Jackson impression...whilst holding her favorite plant...* What's a gal have to do to get her plant back? ...*kicks Red Dog on the shin
and grabs for the plant...* Oooopsie......may I please have my freakn' plant back OR WHAT??!!

Honestly Redders! Your blasted uniform's right there.
Show's over old bean!

Actually Inkers I was just getting to like running around starkers old chap ... must be the hallucinogenic influence of the pot-pot plant, what !

Stiil I do suppose we have standards of decorum to observe .... perhaps another few moments alone - me and just nature with nothing between us as it were ????

*looks hopefully at Inkers*

No I thought not

*starts climbing into togs*

Hang on a mo .... where's my troo's - all there is is an IOU note from a chap called B.Rix and my boxers !! This is a farce !

...*whilst Red Dog cries over spilled boxers...Pandora grabs her plant and makes a mad dash through the garden...*

Ooooo...pretty!!!! ...*lays down in a field of poppies and falls asleep...*

To be honest, Redders, this place has something of an Alice in Wonderland eerieness about it.
I'd be rather happy to be getting back to that big armchair by the fireplace back at the chaps' club, what!

*a lightning hits the ground with a deafening thunder, very close to the small group of people, blinding them momentarily*

*when they are finally able to see more than just dancing spots, they notice there is a huge iron-wraught gate where the lightning struck*

*the gate is not locked*

Great Zuse!...*Pandora has been awakened by the great noise...* You could have SOME concideration for these mere mortals, ya' know! ...*wiggles her fingers in her ears...*
Sheesh!!!...*holding tightly to her plant, Pandora sees the huge gate...* Is this like the Hotle California of the Ethereal Garden? You can check out, bit you can never leave...? Now, where did I leaves those 'whoopsie-dasie' British type men?!? Best to get my wits about me...*sits to rest and get her wits about her...good thing I'm not mortal. Cuz I'd probably be a bit frightened 'bout now.

Tad alarming, that.
I say! Looks like the gates to Hyde Park. Where's the chappy on his soap-box?

wow

Harrummph ! I do believe it may be time for a strategic advance to trhe rear Inkers old boy. The locals seem to be a tad riled what !