h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He'll need as much beer as possible to understand

Excellent then I'll begin.
In the beginning, there was the start, which as was a position not immediatley proceding nor following that which to be has or had or was to be itself not quite totally indistinct from that position itself, let me demonstrate.
*drinks one pint of ale.
Now, that which is is, that which is that it is, cannot be that which it is not, hence the ale. the ale was like teh beginning, for it is gone, but that it will be again, for that which is happened will happene again, and in happening it happens and maybe therefore we can pressume that the beginnging is the point proceding that which followed nex, but that which comes around goes around and around and around and around, let me demonstrate.
*drinks second pint
and as we go around and around and around we all thily most grifty so do get gradulaly more dizzy and yea foresaken unto those that not pertaining to that of the pertunia did indeed inbibe as was the way of the way which was the way itself, gradually did get more inebriated. let me demonstrate.
*drinks third pint of ale.
and then again that which comes around goes around and around and around and we did inbibe and saw that indeed it was good. and that which was good was percieved to be that which did happen when those thriley souls that were most grifty above all other stations, did fhrily and mhrily so undertake to partake during those hours between pub opening and pub closing whils t the sun hung solumly in teh sky a many hour old thing and this too was grifty whilst the beer flowed, let me demonstrate.
*drinks fourth pint.
shall I continue?

Yes, he will. But as said,that's not my problem, I didn't ask hime to come with me.

Blimey 2legs, you're up to your 4th pint and yo haven't even got onto the nontable and toto moto? D'you think 6 pints'll be enough?

RF

2legs, save your breath until the meet, I'll be eternll grateful if you'll demonstrate all this to my husband and bore him to death, because he'll be so confused that he'll not understand anything

Why, kind sir, waht a manafold incepitation of a devinely inspirational offer indeed, cheers, get us in another four or so ales would you dear fellow

Right where was I?

Ahh the beginning.
Where better to start than the beginnign?
I'lll tell you, any point intermediate to proceding or nearabouts the rough centre of events, for as in all it is a circile, circle, circus, cirhious chrosis cihrosis chrious curious oh heck
*drinks next pint*
ahh yes, the circle, like the giant ancient circle of the brewers trade, the nighthoover is indeed itself a circle, let me explain.
*drinks next pint*
In the beginning there was dust, and this dust was both dark and dank and dusty to a higher degree than that which was not dusty might be percieved to be, and apon lo, did walk unto the earth a being who saw the dust and did on returning one night from the pub decide to vanquish the dust, until at last via means of hoover and cable and plug and socket did render the dusty dustless, the dust-ridden un dust-ridden, the dust-smitten un-dust-smitten, like, let me demonstrate:::
imagine, if you will this beer glass
*picks up next glass full of beer*
this one, is a container full of dust, then unto this dust the hoover of the night must move to render it dustless, like so:::
*drinks next pint*
*hic*
and yea, mhrily so for as we percieve unto the end of the beginning comes again the beginnign around and around and around, and hence why the room spins quite so sickeningly!
shall I continue?

I bet he'll eithet be snoring by now, or have changed his place

Suddenly the beginning of John's Gospel no longer seems that confusing.

John's Gospel ? Some piece from the bible ?

Uh, yeah. I think 2legs was semi-quoting it. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God." etc.

I prefer the gospel according to Dave:

In the beginning was the dough base, and the dough base was without toppings, and lo, the toppings were without a base...

RF

Oh, did he He was probably not the only one with a few pints of beer too many

I suppose he could have been referring to Genesis, which also (and more famously) starts with "In the beginning".

No it doesn't. 'Genesis' starts with 'I can't see you Mama, but I can hardly wait'.

Jolly good it is too.

Roymondo,that's great

BTW does this pub serve half decent wine? So many pubs serve something red looking, but that's as far as it goes for me without uttering profanities!

What about white wine then ? I never drink in public

Hmmm, one is not sure as regards there serviging decent red wine I generally don't drink red wine in pubs as it is so often wildly overpriced medioka rubbish Me?: quoting the bible?: I'm sorry, there appears to be a temporal problem here; the bible was misquoting me... or rahter the words of the prophet 2legs, and the profet BoB

From what I recall, they serve commercially-available white wines by the glass or bottle, obviously at a price far higher than it is offered in Tesco's and similar.

I'll go check, though.

RF

Thanks Freddy! If not I can always force down a few s or I do like on hootoo, the th*rsdayite thirst bar do very nice virtual stuff.

As I'll be feeling nervous for the meet I'll make sure I've saved up enough, for alcohol and won't have to worry too much about price, (not that that means all the drinks will be on me )

Oh and ask them to get in plenty of pork scratchings Freddy!