h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*presents center's director with his secret weapon* This is the flea-collar reverser. It reverses the effect of any flea collar it is aimed at, when fired. Instead of killing and repelling fleas, it generates and attracts them. I gift it to you as a sign of good faith in felines.

*lurks*

Oh, how was your flea bath? Or have you checked the Curiositizer lately? pounce on red

Hi Cap, you left you a couple of messages already. We`ve added the fleas to our extensive collection. Ta. Welcome to the Cat War. I`m just lurking at the moment - dont tell anyone

*sigh* Damn fingers ..... I left you of course *sigh*

*walks out of room and walks back in with a Smack-On-The-Nose-W/A-Newspaper Machine. Activates and places by Red* Unless, of course, you want to alert some of the more, shall we say, militant cats around the institute to your presence then I suggest you put up with this. *turns up power to full and activates a motion sensor alarm on top of it* Once again, have a nice day.

*lets loose Mouse-o-tron decoy TM into the centre which starts to scurry around in a mouselike way atracting all Cat surveillance devices*

*gets out Classic Goo spray and dons Alabaster night vision goggles. - For all intents and purposes disappears into thin air*

*Now fully a Cat, he chases after the Mouse-o-tron. However, he's a quite rapid cat. Pounces, and seeing it's a robot, alerts feline surveillance. Turns back around to see Red* *deep low throaty feline growl, takes away Whack-On-The-Nose Machine and deactivates motion detector*

Hey Wait A Second! *while deactivating the Nose Whacker, he notices a section of wall in the shape of a dog that is not there where it's supposed to be* Ok, try something new. *drags in what looks to be an automated tennis ball launcher, because that's what it is, and turns it on in the opposite direction of the doggy shadow*

*a shape in the shadows chuckles softy as Captain Venom is lured off the scent by the shadow field generated by the Alabaster Night Vision Goggles. Continues his search of the Centre for the Development of Anti-Dog Technology secure in the knowledge that the Goo Intensifier suit is working*

*attaches a small motor and propellor to a common stick and sends it on a programmed patrol through the center, set to cover the entire thing in one post* Well, he hasn't shown himself yet. Maybe I should consider switching to Alabaster to combat Goo Spray Hmmm.. No Alabaster is too generally repulsive.

*feels a strange urge to follow the stick but combat training and discipline help Red Dog counter the craving. Feels silently relieved that Captain Venom does not know of that other thing that is almost irresistable *

*takes out sonic screwdriver and bypasses security system to access another part of the center*

*as it seems that the stick is not working, venom attaches a motor to a milkbone, a rawhide bone, and a squeaky chew toy, while setting up tennis ball launchers in the centre. Once again programs their patrol area, although it might take two posts for Red to notice them all*

Did I just say "centre" I've been on a British site far too long!

*a bead of sweat stands out on Red Dogs forehead and there are sounds of teeth being gritted*

Arrggh, fight the temptation, resist, you are the man, YOU ARE THE MAN, don`t give in, its a damn cat trick, thank Bob he hasn`t stumbled on it yet, arrrgghhh.

*stumbles out of the area disappearing from Venoms vicinity*

*hires a female canine to go wander the center* *now that all of the automated tennis ball launchers are placed, he turns them on*