h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* whiskey fumes and a high-pitched piping emanate from ground level. Mellifluous? Not exactly...*

Ye migh' wael ask what haeve ye donne, ye barkin' hoond.
Thaere's a dae-men-ted aelbaetross circlin' tae ligh'hoose, ov'r'n'ov'r, claimin' shae's boond f'Straelia...

* ...tails off in a kind of high-pitched whistle, followed by disgusting hawking noises *

I kinna gaet mae braeth...* mumble/wheeze *

What gets Pin up so early on a saturday miaow.....prrrrrrrrrrrrr?

Dear Ms Rambling (Multiply Deceased)

My client, Mr Pinniped, of no fixed abode, but until recently the Pier, has instructed me to advise you of his intent to instigate proceedings in respect of your recent re-animation of one Alberta Coleridge (Ms), albatross, last-known address, South Atlantic, variously btwn longs. -10 and -40, ad nauseum.

Mr Pinniped contends that :

1. The destruction of his property was as a direct consequence of your supernatural actions, and that you are therefore liable for the reinstatement of (one) Pier.

2. Ms Coleridge has been brought back to life in a condition even more defective than the one in which she expired. Evidence is legion which proves that the aforementioned seabird was appreciably saner in her previous manifestation.

My client therefore demands that you dis-resurrect the albatross immediately. Provided that you do so, he might just let you off with putting a few planks back.

Respectfully Yours,

A. Narwhal
Narwhal, Narwhal and Walrus (Solicitors)

* Hires IST, since satan is such a good lawyer. I mean, he watches "Law and Order" and everything!*

*IST has filed to move venue to his court in H*LL.*

...Ahem...

...err...Pinniped?

Didn't I tell you that this wasn't a good idea?

8)

fascinating. I think.

Dost thou have doubts ?