h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

God of Absurdity's challenge!
(*& the arena is exactly what it sounds*)

I accept your chalenge, Thorn, if you wilpermit me to. Let battle comence!

"alright then. Prepare your instrument of odd-destruction... or somewhat amusing distraction."
*Chooses to opt for a stringed version of a zither... that is played with a rubber chicken instead of a bow,- himself*

*Just stands there, looking incredibly smug and pleased with himself.*

"Oh,- you seem rather well acquainted with this type of combat."
*Pauses,- looking around,- suddenly feeling a tiny bit silly and possibly out of place*

"Hey, wait-a-minute!"
"I can't be out of place."

"I made this place."
...
"Very well then,- might I ask what you will bring,- to the table, as it were... , what weapon(s) you will use?"

Cards on the table time, eh? Very well,I select ... NIGEL! He's the Andrex puppy who's so adorable, he stole the toilet! Nigel - ATTACK!

*Nigel runs towards thorn, barking madly. at the last minute, Nigel stops and gazes into Thorn's face with the adorable face you only get from a puppy when it has done something unpleasant on the carpet.*

Nothing can stop Nogel. (evil laughter)

"Hmm... no-thing,- or no-one."
*Thorn laces his fingers*
"I summon forth the giant-attack-gumball (the one with the face and an arrow drawn/pointed on it,- yes) which normally can be found as an odd-sort of guardian. To... my shrine."

[Cue a funnily colored and oddly hued version of an Indiana-Jones style boulder looking-thing]

"well... okay,- so it might just be sitting there. Yes,- looking kind of silly. Perhaps."

*Here he shrugs*

You saw through my cunning plan! Very well, I summon ... The Black Knight of Thgink Kcalb! Destroy the God!

*evil laughter*

"That's no good. We both are. That means it will try to attack the both of us."

Well, you're both in quite a pickle. Best of luck

No problem! *Changes the Knight inot a handful of molecules that float around.*

Right. Time to break out the big guns!

*shapeshifts into a giant that sends a fireball of unbelievabe heat at Thorn, followed by a vortex of flame that enveops him completely.*

Get out of that, if you can!

*there can be heard a what-would-otherwise be-quite out of place sounding knocking, on the spinning column of flame.*
}Knock-knock-knock!{

*Here I pop open an illogical door (yes, also made out of fire)*


"The flame creatures inside of here... they want to know if you would like to join them in for a marshmallow roast. I'd bring marshmallows... but they need to start a water... yes, I am aware that that sounds kind of a little strange" the Absurdity God remarked to the opponent diety.

A few stray fire creatures try to crawl out the open corners of said "door", but the rest yank them back in.

"Well,- somebody is going to have to go get these guys a bag or two,- or so, of marshmallows. Else-t they may looketh a tad cranky."

thought he had you there robotwig

*To MegaChedda:* READ THE BACKLOG

Just for that...

*Shapeshifts MegaChedda into a God-(Bigger than king)sized bag of Marshmallows and hands them to the fire creatures.*

Enjoy!

*Shapeshifts a fire creature into an anvil, which levitates to Thorn and begins to come down on his head.

hey im big

*To MegaChedda*

Shut up, marshmallows can't talk!

*To Thorn*

Shall we call a truce and watch him get eaten?

whats that about food

You are going to be eaten by fire beasts Mega. I Shifted you into a a bag of marshmallows.

goody