h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Bright medical light fills the mostly white room. A smell lingers that is reminiscent of hospitals, but has a hint of liqour to it. As one walks in, they see the gleam of medical instruments and medicines, a gurney is set up, as well as an operating table. In the far back, one see's cots lined up against the wall for sick and recovering patients, even farther back, one sees a hammock haphazardly mounted in the corner, surrounded by books.*

We are now accepting patients. Please come in and make yourselves welcome.

Do we pay for services or is it all NHS???

All I ask for payment is ready rum, and the occaisional meal. Is there anything I can do for you today?

Hey doc I brought you a little housewarming present
Do you think you could get me some vitamins here?

help, i'm almost dehydrated

any around?

what do you think doc- is the captain de-hydr-ated or de-rum-drated

Maybe you should prescribe a trip to the lighthouse bar

Captain, I believe you are infact de-rum-drated. I prescribe heavy drinking...at once! Here's three just to get you started.

Thanks for the housewarming gift!

There's your vitamins!

Munch Munch gulp. thanks doc, see yopu around

here's me welcoming gift:

and the key to the medicine hold

Thank you kindly all of you!

Yossarian

Welcome! I'm sending the Pelican around for his injection against bird fly. He likes treats rather than cheese. Here's a for your office. It's a painting of the Captain.

has to be antique then. i stopped painting pictures long ago. these days i only paint guest wings

Thank you for the gift!
*Hangs picture up on wall*
Tuna eh? Well, I do like to fish...Hold that thought!
*Constructs sign saying the following: "Gone fishing, Official Medical Buisiness. Will return in good time."*

I would never dream of giving anyone that canned rubbish, fresh is best!
As they say in Pawley's Island South Carolina: "Friends don't let friends eat canned fish." Just the thought makes me ill! I'll catch the pelican a nice tuna and serve it to him fresh! That way his treat is Delicious and Nutritious!

what a guy....

Oh, by the way. If you see anybody installing diamond plated hatches that would be the ships engineer Alec Trician. I never did figure out where he gets all the industrial diamonds to make those.

we of course have a hold for producing diamonds

...and, as most pirates know, diamond plate is actually made of aluminium, stamped with little diamond shapes...anyway...a large and previously unnoticed diamond-plate hatch in the floor opens slowly and a voice is heard to say :

"Come along Flint...not much further"

*brings gift of light bulbs... *

! Captain Pilsner ! *salutes smartly *

Welcome aboard Mr Yossarian...

Hello...Shagbark.

*waves to Mari-Rae whilst surreptitiously closing hatch with left foot, leaving Flint to wander alone through the vast spaces between decks on this...the mightiest of all the vessels under Captain Pesci's command*

...er...i'll just go and polish the cylinder head covers a bit then shall i Captain Prinz ??

alec.

aye-aye, trician

but first things first:

*Looks around for Flint... *

Now.. where did that ing parrot go???