h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Really?

yeah - enough to confuse an agnosticist

it's a nice one though

*continues*

*purrs*

*is hoarse*

*waits*

*sneeks out to the plank and nicks it while no-one is looking*

SPLASH

*hears a splash, put plank down over the ships side and shes floh thrashing about in the water, quickly hides the plank under the cannon*

*shouts* GET OUT OF THE WATER FLOH IT'S NOT SAFE TO SWIM HERE, THERE'S SCREAMING EELS!

You could just help me, don't you think?

*stalks by, grumbling, and following a wire.*

*climbs aboard*

*just finished getting undressed ready to save floh when he discovers she's standing beside him*

Oh I erm

*covers his emmbrassesment with the plank*

Okay, Mr. Fortuneswell, where have you been?

*runs on deck, several female pirates in hot pursuit. He holds a shining object in his hand, the power converter for the woman pirates sanctuary. Such a specialized part will take months to buld from scratch, and the female pirates are screaming at him to fix the power in their Harem. He chucks the glowing object as far as he can over the side, and watches it splash into the water about two hundred meters away from the ship. Seconds later, a knife, thrown too late, imbeds itself in his leg. The female pirates approach him with a vengeful gleam in their eyes, swords drawn.*

"No wait, you dont understand!!!"

"Shaddap you-" but the female pirate was cut off as a massive underwater explosion from the area where the power converter went down nearly capsised the ship. All of the expirienced seapersons maintained their grips on solid objects and, luckily, no one was swept overboard.*

"IT WAS SABOTAGE!! I only just detected it while testing the ships power systems. If I hadn't interrupted your fun, you'd all be DEAD!!! TRUST ME MORE OFTEN FOR DOUGLAS ADAMS SAKE!!!!!! I'm no ing trouble maker I dont ing around!!!! it, just it. NEXT TIME I'M GOING OVERBOARD AND LEAVING YOU TO BECOME SO MUCH ing SPLATTERING GHASTLYNESS!! And furthermore BELGIUM BELGIUM BELGIUM!!!!!!!!!"

*chucks the priceless diamond encrusted knife overboard, and limps off to the first aid station.*

*tuc having been distracted by the female pirate chase (most of them are wearing barely nothing) has let the plank slip from his grasp*

what's this then, mr. fortuneswell? streaking and trying to steal timber at the same time, are we?

well erm

Floh made me do it

*picks up the plank and makes a quick exit*

Oh yes, of, course, it's always poor little Floh's fault.

*he hopes floh understands but no-one must fnd out about the mission*