h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Janine Koga -- no, not THAT Janine, whose FATHER is named Koga -- unpacks her belongings and suddenly realizes that she now has a purpose in life.]

Hello!
*Begins to dust*

Hi,

Just introducing myself. Drop by the sewing room if there is any thing you require in the fabric line.

I assure you that there is nothing dodgey in my stealth storage facility.

[Janine] Thanks. I'll take a look. Just a second.

[She drops a smoke bomb. It only hides her. By the time the smoke has cleared, two katanas are hanging on the wall, a wardrobe is filled with ninja suits ranging from black to blue to purple, and the bed has a ninja teddybear sitting on it.]

[Janine] [who doesn't appear to have moved an inch] What was your room number again?

Hi! I'm the gardener of this ship.

Cabin #10, but it doesn't look like you will require services

Hi Janine, is it safe to enter here?

*walks in*

Hello!.... Ship's armourer, amongst other things... if there's anything you want, just let me know!... my cabin's down the coridoor...

*walks off*

[Janine] Great.

[Janine's Brain] [Note: this is Janine thinking.] At least I don't have as much Backlog as YK! Ha!

Good thinking, Janine!

[Janine] ..... [exits]

Praise a girl for her *thinking* once - and she'll never bother you again

[Janine returns with a box labeled "Personal Smoke Bombs"]

[Janine] Sorry, I was running out. Now, to try them out ...

[She drops a smoke bomb. The puff of smoke is only big enough to hid her. When the smoke clears, she's wearing a red karate outfit instead of a blue one.]

[Janine] Tada!

[She drops another smoke bomb. When the smoke clears, she's gone completely. The sound of a shower running is heard from her bathroom, which has become closed and locked.]

It's a pity, really. I liked the navy-blue outfit better

* puts the following note under the door *

An Invitation - Come to a Birthday Party

Join us in the Lighthouse Bar (and probably the Main Mess Room) on Monday 20 August for a food, drink, music, dancing, general merriment and debauchery

The Captain has said we can beam guests on board for the occasion so please feel free to bring guests (although we will not be able to guarantee their safety)

Hope you can join me, no need to RSVP just turn up and join the celebrations

Light

* written on the bottom * hope you can come

[Ten minutes later, Janine exits her bathroom wearing a bathrobe. She drops a smokebomb and is subsequently wearing a purple karate outfit. She drops another smokebomb and disappears.]

[And now she's back, accompanied by Kefka.]

[Janine] We've got to find Neo-Kefka.

[Kefka] No kidding! I don't want to be blown up! I just want to blow things up!

[Janine] ...

*a diamond plate hatch in the floor of the cabin opens up...

enter alec...he drops one too and leaves by the same exit...

it wasn't a smoke bomb.

[[?????]]

[Janine encases the bomb in a block of crystal. Don't ask me HOW she did that.]

[Kefka] I only wonder WHY Neo-Kefka is trying to do this.

[Janine] What, isn't wanton destruction a good enough reason for /you/, of all people?

[Kefka] Well, I'd /like/ to give my duplicate more credit than for just being a Kefka clone.

[SFX: Rim shot]

*the cabin door opens abruptly and the lights are snapped on,
enter alec, with three 'friends' who proceed to pull Yarad, Kram, Al and Keffie from their comfy-looking Barney Beds.

The four visitors slap them around a bit before kicking them all gently asleep...

Alec lets another one drop, turns the air-conditioning off, and they leave.*