h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I agree with Kat, this does need some work on it Fordsrubish

The title for a start.

'Shopping Mall Security Guards' would make it clearer as to what your Entry is about, also adding (US) to the end, lets the reader know where it is about.

An explanation of what a "county sheriff" is, for those of us who don't know.

I would assume US security guards are similar to UK ones in that they split up and move on large groups of teenagers, if so, you could mention that.

"This section is a little sad, a security guard is not as well equiped, as lets say........ Rambo."

The first bit is an opinion, and the second bit, not everybody has heard of Rambo.

"only in some cases, a communication radio,"

Are you sure? I would've thought that would be a basic standard item all would carry.

"the guards being jerks thinking thier all hot stuff and annoying the crap out of happy shoppers"

You need to change that sentence to something more suitable.

Emmily

First of all, as much as I enjoy comments, I dont think this one was all thought out though. I agree it needs a title, my apologize. However, if a person doesnt know who Rambo is...... they should be tuaght, then beaten.Second, a county sheriff, is the SHERIFF of the COUNTY.....lol,if you really must know these things just ask the guide. Thats kinda cool, how it all intertwinds. Think about it.

Thats all Fordsrubish, but this site is an international one, with the lions share of researchers being British (what with it being on the BBC and all that...)

I cannot speak for the rest of the world, but in the UK "Sheriff" is not a police rank. Had I not just finished reading some excellent books by "James Ellroy" where the distinction between the LAPD and the Coiunty Sheriff department are laid out I wouldn't have a lcue what a county Sheriff was... and I expect most researchers here are also in that bracket.

Good stuff though BTW...

Well, if these things are in the Guide, link them. If not then you *should* put some kind of explanation.

cap'n there is no need to add links.

If a newbie resercher doesn't know GuideML, he doesn't have to use it. Let the subs do that.

However, yep, fordsrubbish, remember that this is an international site, so please not everybody knows ramboish stuff

I think this is generally well written, although I agree with others that it needs work.

For a start, I think it starts rather abruptly. I think it could do with an introductory paragraph, giving some context and setting the scene a bit. This could give a rough idea what a security guard is, and make it clear that we are talking the USA.

Also, I agree with others that you need to explain what a County Sheriff is, and a mall. I have no idea what a County Sheriff actually does, and only a rough idea of what a mall is, and I suspect many readers will be in a similar position. They can look them up, but I think it's better to provide the information in the entry, as then you don't have to interupt your reading to find another website.

Also, I notice you don't actually say what a security guard actually does. You say what their motto is, and give a vague idea of what a security guard's duties are "to enforce a company's or an organizations policies if necessary to protect lives, property, or to keep peace", but not what in particular they would be doing.

For example, do they intercept shoplifters coming out of the shop, when the beeper goes off, do they walk around the store and watch likely shoplifters, would they be involved in looking for terrorists, removing those who are causing trouble/drunk, etc? All of the above? The bit I've quoted seems too vague and overly broad to me, as a company's policies that protect lives, the peace and property, would seem to include things that security guards are not involved in, such as health and safety policy (safety equipment and the like), or the legal division (protecting intellectual property). It isn't really clear what policies we are talking about. I think it would be better to be more specific, and mention the particular duties that security guards have.

Also, I think it would be worth explaining the difference between detaining someone, and arresting them. Again, I have a rough idea, but I'm not familiar with American law. Things like how long you can detain someone, on what grounds, etc, might be interesting.

I'm not sure about whether Rambo needs to be explained, but I don't think it would hurt to have a brief footnote, for those not familiar.

Hopefully that will help you improve your entry fordsrubish.

still waiting on thecorrections in my 1st post 2 be done

There, how do you think of those changes, guy?
I thik Batman would be proud

points out again that some of the changes I suggested still havn't been touched.

which ones now?

for a start, remove the " and also check all the spellings of equipped

Consider it done my friend

So how does this thing get edited from here?

It needs to be picked by a Scout.

When I've got time I'll go through the article and suggest a few changes/tweaks.

"So how does this thing get edited from here?"

The Edited Guide has expected standards, which your Entry does not yet meet the requirements of Fordsrubish, it will not be picked until it reaches those standards.

You still haven't dealt with some of the suggestions already made which include:

"only in some cases, a communication radio," (The punctuation here is confusing, do you mean only some carry a communication radio)

Are you sure? I would've thought that would be a basic standard item all would carry. If they don't use a radio, how do they call for back up or the police they need to?

"the guards being jerks thinking thier all hot stuff and annoying the crap out of happy shoppers"

You need to change that sentence to something more suitable. Instead of dealing with this point, you gave added another 'crap' in the Entry.
"This section is a little sad, a security guard is not as well equipped, as lets say........ Batman. "

This bit still needs changing, why use a character at all, why not say not as well equipped (or armed) as a US Police Officer.

Also

"responsibility would be picking up shoplifters"

What does picking up refer to? Arresting or detaining, what is the difference between the two.

Emmily

<<"responsibility would be picking up shoplifters"

What does picking up refer to? Arresting or detaining, what is the difference between the two.>>

Maybe it means that the security guards are constantly on the cop...

I hope thats better

tell me if its not

Sorry I havent responde in a while, I was unsubscribed by accident, But I made the corrections I had recieved a while ago, and as much as it may annoy you guys, I need you to help me out, cuse I just dont see what the problem is.........