h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a crash, and in a moment a snarling, flashing, blade-on-blade Hork-Bajir warrior crashes through the vampire lab, roaring:

"Andalite filth!"

BOOM! A noise like a rubber mallet on an engine block as a huge hairy first shoots out from one side and knocks the alien Controller into a pile of used medical equipment.

"Pack! Is that you?" Recrash yells at the shagy brown blur that now rushes to engage the recovering monster.


Hreeyah!
WHA-GAM! The gorrila pounds him into the concrete with another mighty sweep of his arm.

The thought-speak voice says again.

*calmly looks to ice, siun and sea and raises a un-amused eyebrow, whitley glows a deeper shade of black*

Looks at Lauri...
Looks at The big monkey thing...
Looks back at Lauri...
Takes one big step out of the way.

Siun and Canaru: *take a hints from Ice and step back also*

*looks directly at recrash and speaks in a very calm, very icy voice*

whitley seems to think you know spring. whitley would like to know where spring is

*giggles*

that's funny.......kipper, he he.
oh i think u should know, whitley says it doesn't like you anymore.

*turns to ice*
can we find spring? can we, can we please! *looks hopefully at siun and sea* please can we? pleeeease

Siun: *looks at Sea in a quizzical manner* Who or what is this spring?

For the benefit of everyone who hadn't quite gotten it:

I made a pop-culture reference by mentioning Crayak and The Ellimist, and recrash mentioning a Hork-Bajir, Controllers, thought-speech, and sentient gorillas is all part and parcel with that reference.

Pretty sure most of you already got it, but I sensed a little confusion from the audience.

And now, we return to the story. Or in someone's famous words, "Let's do it!"

*Ice, always one to help other on their inevitable slide down the dark spiral, smirks and replies to Lauri*

I'm sure I could find him if I tried.

*Ice reaches into his coat and pulls out a black crystal ball the size of a mans fist*

He, after all is rather powerfull and should cause quite a disterbance in the balance. Though it may take a few moments. Please Explain to Suin and Canaru who Spring is.

*lauri jumps to her feet and claps her hands happily then grabs whitley and starts to throw it up in the air like a ball laughing hystericaly the whole time*

we're going to find spring my love! yes we are, then you can get him my baby! you'll teach him for hurting our friends won't you. It's gonna be so much fun!!

*realises siun and canaru are probably looking at her strangely*

sorry yes, um, spring, spring is bad, very bad, i was being nice to him, i was trying to be nice to him, but he exploded my arm, and he hurt ice and sea too and we all had to run away and whitley got upset.

Siun: *raises an eyebrow* Really now?

Canaru: Perhaps we were gona too long.

Siun: Perhaps we were. *looks at Ice* What are we to do now? Are we then looking for this Spring?

*Affy gives a stern look to the wizard*

Well? We can't be kept around waiting until your pitiful sun burns to a crisp and covers your world with a millenia of darkness and ice. Please have the plans brought.

*The wizard takes a few nervous steps back before smiling, and heading for the door*

I have no pressing plans, Suin so I'm up for finding and destroying this mistake of science.
Ahhhh... There he is.
*Pulls out a small palm-top computer and brings up a map of the area. Ice consults the crystal ball and punches some keys on the computer. A small red X begins flashing on the screen. Ice squeezes the ball down to the size of a small marble and inserts it into a slot made specificly for it*

There this should track him continuously

*Hands the map to Lauri, and bows taking a step back*

After you Ma Petite. The hunt is on, seek your prey.

*The Wizard exits and returns a short while later with several other Wizards. They sit at the table and one of them makes a complicated motion with his hand and the far wall lights up with an image of a mill that spans a river.*

Wizard 1: This was the first dimension that we conquered. We had just learned how to travel between dimensions, but did not know how to control our destination. Fortunately, this dimension was perfect for our purposes. It had a primitive society that we easily overran, and it turns out that it was a nexus of sorts between many dimensions. We spent considerable time in this dimension, learning about dimensional transport and the structure of dimensions.

*A new picture comes up on the screen. It shows the town where Vomar, GL and the rest came from.*

This is the beginning of our next stage. This dimension is considerably more advanced. At least, it seemed to be, but once we got there it was strangely primitive. We surmised that perhaps it had advanced, but had then been set back by some catastrophe. Our plans there are going well, but we recently had a minor disturbance. Nothing serious but still puzzling. We can talk about that later.

Anyway, once we have conquered that world, we will have gained all the knowledge we need to start our full scale invasion plans in motion. We will use the mill dimension as a base and will cut the ties between that dimension and this one. That way, we can not be traced back to here. Then, we plan to invade all the adjascent dimensions to the mill world at once. We'll have the manpower from the mill world and the second world, along with our own elite corps. Once those dimensions are subdued, we will have the conscripts from those worlds to use in conquering dimensions adjascent to them. So, in an ever-expanding circle, we will conquer dimension after dimension.

So, you see, we are on the brink of a great enterprise. We expected that we would see only a fraction of the whole scenario played out in our own lifetimes, but if you can speed thing up, perhaps we will live to our plans come to fruition.

*takes the map and flashes a huge beaming grin at siun, sea and ice*

this is gonna be so much fun! when we find him let's blast HIS arm off and see how he likes it!! oh oh ice have you got some paper? lots of paper, whitley says i might need it, can we go in the pretty car again?

Siun: Erm, perhaps.

you won't like spring siun, honest, he's nasty, i know you'll have fun when we find him, i will *grins*

As a recap...

when I broke off frustratedly from the main story, deciding to do things my way, I thought I could speed things up if I had more sensible, mature, diabolically handsome people on my side. People like, *ahem*, me.

(And modest, too...)

WHAM!

Anyway, since Pack was with me, a parallel version of myself, I figured, why not recruit some other versions of me? I could call in Dr. Coldwater, renowned Cyberneticist, or Sy, theosophist/karatista.

and let's not forget Doublegun Mikkie, multicultural hitman, or Rank, dinosaur hunter...

SENSIBLE, MATURE!-!

So anyway we quickly built a Parallel Recall Device, a machien which yanks our doubles and brings them to this dimension. Unfortunately, the targeting mechanism, which a certain idito here built out of an X-box microchip, malfunctioned, and recalled-

Spring. Actually, Wellspring. A guy with major issues.

Pack! You mean tortured twisted sociopath!

who happens to have a love/hate relationship with another parallel me, Rafe.

Who is simply bad news.

You are here.