h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: CERN and the LHC - A Dream - A54344072
Author: B'Elana [©] ACE- Minister of Abbr. - Bitten by the writing bug - I blame the Stretcher. :P - U230913

My interpretation of the latest Stretcher Challenge.

zum bahnhof?

see? these little devices are devilish - i'm sure it's the same command interpreter software as in the Mars lander.

Give them some sophistication and a hook-up to a transporter and they'll be able to ask where you want to go and some indecisive soul is going to say, "I'd half like to go to the ocean"

I like it.

That reminds me of the foreign exchange student who thought his new address was Einbahnstrasse 40...meaning One-Way Street, of course...

I'm afraid I agree with Mr Adams: 'If you have to take me apart to get me there, then I don't want to go.'

Thank you both.


Foreign languages are tricky. I've only just realised that there is an English word 'collier', meaning a coal miner, or a ship carrying coal.
My footnote must have been confusing and made little or no sense, so I've now added what Collier means in German.

Sounds like a brilliant idea.

But you can think of a whole range of nasty accidents, not to mention confusions like the one you recount with your SatNav.

There's a whole range of nasty accidents whichever means of transport you use, nothing is safe.

And the coordinating device would have to be precise (although, even if it wasn't, it would only be a matter of minutes to beam somewhere else ).

Nice one Bel

It's a scary bit of kit. There's nowhere I'm so keen to go that I'd be tempted to try that out. Perhaps when a couple of million other people have tried it out successfully...

Thanks, Tibley.

I'm so keen to go elsewhere, I'd be among the first ones to try it.

(I'd die a happy woman. )

You're very very brave

Naww, not brave. I haven't got anything to lose, but I could gain so much.

Actually, I use teleportation constantly at work - but, then, I'm a gamemaster in an MMO...

The trick with summoning players out of the geometry is to make sure they won't be killed by passing monsters...they get mad and threaten to ocmplain to your supervisor...

Sounds complicated.

How mad do they have to be to play the game in the first place?

The schoolboys are all right, the 20-somethings not so much...

I'll have you know there is a least one 70-year-old and an academic.

How is his reaction time? I couldn't fight any monsters because I'd be too slow.

I don't know. You're right, reaction time is involved, and I'm too slow.

You skilfully expose our slavish devotion to technology.

Nice piece. You're right, they'd have to get the SatNav bit working perfectly first.

I've wanted a transporter. I'd use it to go back to Africa on wet, cold English weekends .

Reading your entry made me think that 75 years ago someone might have written exactly like that about air travel. And then I wondered if it would be altogether good to eliminate distance completely. If distance, or remoteness, itself makes a place special.

There are some places where your use of English is not the so-called normal use. The meaning's perfectly clear however and I think it adds to the sense voice in the writing, so I don't know if you would them pointed out?

Yes, please. Just so that I can learn.
I don't intend to do anything more with this, though, (i.e. I'll probably delete it at some point) so if you think it would be a waste of time in that case, that's fine, too.

Oh, and meant to say: thanks.

Have you been to Africa often?

Oh, and 75 years ago isn't long enough, they did passenger flights with Zeppelins at the time.

And we're not even at 'Zeppelin' stage with transporter beams, you're right.

Africa's where I was born, and spent two thirds of my childhood. It's both home and very much not home. On those wet, cold English summer weekends, I can get nostalgic .

On the English usage, I will do. It'll be Sunday as I need to get offline now and will be away all tommorrow. For now, one I noticed was 'It would open us the world.' I like it, unusual wording makes you think more about the meaning. But a more standard phrasing would be something like 'It would open up the world to us'.