h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Like questions only or answers only, but these are the best excuses you can come up with.

***********************************************************************

I never saw the stop sign.

No, I don't know how all your white clothes turned pink. Somebody must have put dye in the water.

I know I left it right here, somebody must have moved it.

It was like that when I got here

I tried to divide by zero, and my paper burst into flames.

I do have the proof, but it's too big to fit in the margin.

I couldn't clean cook dinner because these people on h2g2 wouldn't let me sign out.

I was too tired to do it.

I didn't understand the question, so I figured if they weren't going to ask the question in an intelligible manner, then why should I give an intelligible answer?

The dog did it.

How was I supposed to know that was going to happen? I'm not psychic you know.

I'm sure I put it in a klein bottle, but when I looked I couldn't find it.

The cat peed on it.

There was this racoon, see... and you know how they like shiny objects, so I would have to guess that if you can find the racoon, you'll probably be able to find your silver keyring, because you know I'd never lose something important like that.

As we're on animals...

My pet flea is sick, and I need to take him (or her) to the vets.

I was abducted by aliens.

All that brain probing is enough to confuse anyone.

My doctor told me to slow down.

I thought it was 'fall forward and spring back!'

I was explaining time zone to my nephew and left my watch on the wrong zone...