h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just got back to school, whereupon I found that my roommate sat in my Inflatable Chair of Power, and it sprung a leak... man...

Now I'll have to make do with my University-Supplied Ergonomic Chair of Slightly Above Average Typing Ability...

Or maybe I could just use the Toilet of Blessed Relief as my throne from now on.

*sneaks in, spins the usecsaata (which is not hydraulic) so that it is no higher than a first-grader chair, so that when our leader unsuspectingly sits in it his knees hit his chest*

*sprints off to her office (in a totally different building, many miles away, safely out of reach) where she discovers that she *has* a desk and engravable nameplate which has not been engraved yet. digs through cluttered desk drawers to find engraving order form. fills out form to say "broelan 'vamoahtwdi of ucaiurlorrr'" and includes the government's account number so she will not be charged.*

*has made an astounding recent discovery, leading to a horrifying suspicion..... dashes off memo to benevolent leader and sends it thru inter-office mail:*

marc, are you an alabaster user???
it's okay if you are, there are wonderful support groups available....

::gasp:: How... how did you know?

It's... er.. it's true! It's all true...

But look at my number! I'm well below 100,000... I was here in the old days of goo... but... but... I...

I was just going to try it, just for a while... I didn't think I'd get hooked!

Now I'm too lazy to do anything about it...


Don't hold it against me! I... I'm still the same person you knew...

*gasp*

WE HAVE A LEADER WHO USES ALIBASTER?!?!

(Do I have an office and an ergonomic chair, and most importantly pretty gold lettered letterhead?)

You can tell immediately that I am whole-heartedly devoted to the cause and not in this for any personal gains. Coughcough

*angel swoops in*
marc! you use alabaster?!?
*is quite angry*
i am close to destroying you.....

*arranges for broelan's engraving*
*charges her $30000000000000*

SO! what do you have to say for yourself marc?!?

*receives engraving bill, with government account number still at the top of it, forwards bill to accounts payable department where it will probably rot as we do not have any accountants to pay it.*

What do I have to say? Hah! I embrace my eccentricity and make it my strength! Everybody's a goo fan! I am not afraid!

*plays naughts and crosses on her desk while waiting for someone to drive insane*

*changes marc's settings to Goo while he's not looking*

*looks innocent*

gives sad, mad, or bad a raise.... puts peanut butter and tacks on the dictator's chair...
*flies off humming innocently*

A RAISE!!!

*starts humming and making to do list*

To do:
1. Drive evil dictator insane.
2. Get own remote control.
3. See if it works the television.

yep a raise. remember though that i set all salaries at zero, and so the raise won't do you any good, but it's the thought that counts

here ::hands sad, mad, or bad a remote::
it controls the television

oh, and btw, the dictator is in no way evil, that's my job. :P

*veeeeeeeeeery carefully crosses out 'evil' next to 'dictator'.*

*sends everyone insane channel surfing instead*

*click*
*click*
*click*

d'oh! don't drive me insane.....

Mmm... peanut butter...

Mmm... tacks...

*sighs deeply*
*uses evil magic to disable television*

there, much better! you can channel surf all you want when i'm not here.

*sniffles*

But it's my JOB to drive people insane!!!
And just when I was getting into it too!

There, there... you can drive members of other semi-evil organizations insane!

marc, i notice you are sitting in yours usecsaata, how can you see your alabaster screen sitting that close to the floor?

*sniffles, mollified*

Oh that's all right then.

But my remote still doesn't work!