h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*a loud explosion is heard*

RIGHT, WHO'S BEEN SHAKING UP THE BEER ?

*Stands drenched in beer and muttering to herself about really needing to have her outfit cleaned*

Never you mind! Just get on with taking that little tank out!

Oh that little thing. I can't understand how that is more important than beer...but, as you wish *gratuitous Princess Bride quote *

*Glares crossly at Linus and taps her foot, on the verge of a tantrum*

*totally oblivious (not that it would make any difference anyway) as he has started moving in the general direction of toward the large tank*

Hot dogs, peanuts, cold beers...

*Tags after Linus to cover him. She is admiring his bravery, his coolness, his swagger, his fool-hardiness, his witty reparte` in facing down Gwennie. She thinks he is a jerk for going after that tank alone.*

*continues walking towards the tank*

Hot dogs, peanuts, cold beer...

*wonders what is wrong with these people*

Hot dogs, peanuts, cold beer, *notices Marie-rae* women...

A small porthole finally opens

*Thinks to himself ' Looks like Gwennie didn't scar all of them for life *

*Takes up a sniper's postion and covers Linus.*

Heres the price list

*shoves a grenade in the opening and slams the hatch shut*

Thats the problem with these heavily armoured vehicles, no where for the explosion to go

LINUS!!! BEHIND YOU!!! BATTLE BOTS!! Run for cover!

*Begins firing at the oncoming swarm of heavily armed robots.*

*Comes to the rescue armed with a very large flame thrower and vaporises the battle bots whilst wondering whether she should accidentally include Linus in her line of fire*

Oh, hello Mari-Rae. Linus. Don't worry I have you covered.

*Smiles sweetly and tries hard to think of sugar and spice and all things nice*

Thanks, Gwennie!

The way seems clear now to the . Let's go get Kuma out of there. Providing he's in there, that is.

*Now driving a slightly smouldering Jeep, Kes draws up alongside them*

Want a lift to the rocket? I just liberated this set of wheels - careful - the metalwork is still a bit hot. All aboard!
*As they hang on the the Jeep, he drives at top speed towards the rocket.*

This beats walking eh?

*Feeling really angry with him for kicking her when she was the only one trying to help him, she doesn't answer but is plotting his comeuppence for all she is worth.*

*Sits in the rear of the speeding and still smouldering jeep whilst being thrown around vigorously*

Careful that man! You're shaking the contents of my stomach up! Good grief and I thought my driving was exciting!

*The beer in Gwennie's stomach, having been so vigorously shaken, now erupts in a huge belch. Her startled companions assume the worst and think the jeep has been hit by mortar fire as it skids out of control, side-on into the rocket of their destination. An armed group of Demosian troops surround their vehicle*

Err...Do we have any suggestions chaps?

*Whispers out of the corner of her mouth*

Nice driving Kes!

*Waves a somewhat stained white handkerchief in one of her raised hands and grins nonchalantly at their captors*

What time do you chaps serve lunch?

*Turns on Kes. *

You idiot!! Now look what you've done!! I almost think you are trying to get yourself killed, and us along with you.

*Looks narrowly at the dogtags around his neck, and wonders about that. Her line of reasoning is interrupted by a Deimosian rudely relieving her of her weapon. She and Gwennie and Kes are shoved toward the rocketship. She looks around for Kheldar, G7, Linus and the others, but no one is paying attention.*

*Kes shrugs at her, using the gesture to push his elbow against a small jacket pocket. This presses the "Call" button on the WAP phone in there. The Deimosians march their captors towards the rocket*

Now would be a good time for a little help...

*There are five Deimosian troopers escorting them. She is trying to figure out how she can successfully take them all out. The three to her left she is certain she can handle, its the other two... ahead and to the right of her that would be the problem. Kes and Gwennie are between her position and them. They would have a second to react. and waits for an opening.*

*The phone in Kes's pocket rings. He stops, look surprised, and takes it out as the two guards in front turn towards him. He listens to the phone, then holds it out in front of him*

Hey! Guard - it's for you!

*Takes her chance! She kicks her leg directly backward into the midsection of the guard nearest her. He goes down. She twirls and slams the heel of her hand into the nose of the next guard. The nose bone drives up into his brain. The third guard is raising his weapon. She turns, backing into him and karate chops his arm. He tries wrapping his arm around her neck, she grabs it, plants her weight just so and throws him over her hip, hanging onto his arm. It snaps audibly. She looks to see Kes is handling the remaining two guards.*