h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll take a beer, too, please!

*watches Kheldar spray the jeep down with his flamethrower, then shoots a grenade of her own into the mix - just to liven things up. as it explodes, she makes her way to the wall with Kes, Linus and Mari-rae*

Hello, all. Lovely day for a jailbreak, what?

G7

*Has a sudden flashbach to an AC/DC song*

Jailbreak !!!

*Lifts her head up from the muddy puddle that she is still lying in and shouts to Linus*

Well for heavens sake PLEASE don't start singing it!

*Returns to her puddle as another hail of bullets whiz overhead*

Glug!!!

*Rushes forward, calling for the others to follow her lead. She rounds the burning hulk of the jeep and comes to a stop at the corner of a hanger. She can see the first of the rocketships. It is big and silver and is pointing toward the sky. There are three others beyond it. Gwennie comes up beside her, handing her a beer.*

Thanks. How do we know which of these rockets has Kuma in it?

*Takes a sip of beer and thinks so hard that her head starts to hurt*

Err, how about the one over there where the guards are wearing ear defenders and nose pegs? Does anyone have any pain killers please?

*Catches them up, still a little dazed*
OK - which one's our target, ..I ...
*Grabs the jeep for support, feeling a bit giddy, in doing so, he turns to his left, and looks around ...*

*Notices Kes is not himself. Puts an arm around his shoulders*

Are you alright? Snap out of it. We have trouble.

*The troop of guards has noticed them and are starting their way.*

*Kes pushes her away abruptly, recovers and kneels to take aim at the approaching guards*

Thanks!

*He throws the word over his shoulder like discarding a toffee wrapper. Then he takes a tablet from his sleeve pocket and swallows it*

I'm fine now. Anything coming round the corner at us?

If you got out of the way i might be able to see...

*wonders if Kes has any spare tabl...nevermind*

*Takes a look round the corner*

There's just a very big troop carrier that is bristling with guns 'n' fings. Would you like me to distract them?

*Takes her companions' exasperated groans as a "Yes" and runs to the middle of the road where she lies down. The troop carrier screeches to a sudden halt and its occupants emerge and approach the prone Gwennie who smiles sweetly*

Hello boys!

*Produces a grenade, which she lobs towards the bemused troops, ducks and sticks her fingers in her ears*

*Silence*

Oh bugger!!! I forgot to pull the pin!

Help!

*throws a grenade of his own whilst simultaneously wondering why most of the soldiers seemed to know Gwennie by name *

Thanks Linus me old mucker!

*Pulls herself to standing and brushes bits of the now dismembered troops from her already muddy clothing and hopes that Linus didn't notice that some of the troops had called her by name before they had their vocal chords ripped out as she doesn't like to talk about her pre-BFG career*

Err...right! Shall we get back to the matter in hand?

*Marches off to join the others and can feel Linus' eyes suspiciously boring into her back*

Coming?

Just happy to see you

*wonders if he should have doubted what his rats told him about certain other members of the BFGs...*


Right, what next?

I think we're attacking those in the spaceport although things seem to have reached an impasse at the moment.

*Crouches down next to Mari-Rae and nudges her, whispering that she thinks Linus is suspicious as to how some of the troops knew her name*

Watch out!

*An incoming missile shoots over their heads, exploding the building behind them*

*which Linus hardly notices as he is too busy trying to remember if he has met Gwennie before, back in the old days *

*Wonders whether anyone would notice if she "took out" Linus in order to maintain the secret of her previous existence and absent mindedly fiddles with her weapon's trigger as she ducks another incoming missile from the Demosians*

* Inexplicably feels an overwhelming sense of relief that he has a bulletproof vest on...Wonders what would happen if he were to take Gwennie out, figures Mari-rae would just get jealous *

My, that gun sounded very close by...

*Ducks yet another incoming missile that explodes into another nearby building sending a cascade of rubble onto the BFGs*

Right! I'm really niggled now! Just WHO do they think they are? I've just about had enough!

Linus! I hereby nominate you to go in and "take out" that nice little tank over there!

*Points to a humungous tank strategically placed behind a wall of rubble*

*wanders off muttering something about Mad Cows Disease as he disappears...*

*Thick-skinned as ever, Gwennie wonders why Linus would be muttering about Maggie Thatcher at a time like this and sighs*

I suppose there's no accounting for some chaps' tastes in women!

*Yells out to Linus*

TRY NOT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF!!!!