h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Rummages beneath a large pile of single socks and discovers hope and ambition. Tosses them back and goes on looking for other lost items.*

Here is that box of silver bullets I misplaced three years ago.

*Loads silver bullets into one of her six shooters.*

**Trips over Mari's hope and ambition and also has a rummage under piles of debris before finding a young man who appears to be in stasis*

And there's that nice young bar tender I... Oh! Never mind!

*Hastily covers over said young man and wanders off to find a and loot*

*Waves to Linus*

I seem to have uncovered a Linus everyone... great to see you again!

*Steps into darkened corner and finds a treasure-trove of obsolete, and not so obsolete, Star Trek paraphanaglia*

Wow... Here's Nog's Toothpick and a dormant tribble!

shazz

Is there a tooth sharpener? Those are pretty cool.

We should be careful of that tribble...nasty little buggers, huge sharp teeth (wait, that's something else). On second thought, maybe it eats windows CDs.

Wait!!! That's not Nog's Toothpick... that's Thog's Noothpick!! I wondered where I had put that little bugger -- lost it years ago...


::picks up the noothpick and starts picking his Neeth::



Hey, don't look at me, I haven't had my yet

A noothpick, huh?

*Offers Thog some before he starts acting any wierder*

"Noothing" much could possibly get any weirder around here...

*Undeterred by all the ness around her, shazz concentrates on trying to rouse the sleeping tribble*

Perhaps it needs feeding guys?

shazz

*Passes Shazz a couple of discarded loaves of bread*

Here! Try these...

*shazz waves the stale bread under the end of the tribble which she thinks is its nose. The tribble farts loudly and turns around... protrudes a small pink tongue and begins licking and nibbling at the bread.*

Thanks Gwennie... that seems to have worked!

shazz

Mind that tribble Shazz!

*Pulls a tribble out from under Shazz just as she's about to sit down*

And that one!

Wow! Those too!

By George! That was quick work! One wouldn't have thought the little blighters could reproduce "that" quickly!

Hmmmmmmmm... I see what you mean Gwennie... we better think of some way to stop them! Maybe we could put them to good use in our current situation though?

*Lazily aims phaser and takes out the with one fierce beam of light.*

Take THAT you infiltrator!

shazz

*Hearing the sounds of many heavy boots running towards them, Kes turns all the tribbles around so that their rears are facing towards the approaching enemy*

OK Guys/gals ...... let 'em have it!

*Passes round clothespegs to the BFGs*

*Leaps nimbly to the front of the armed and ready s. Tries to attach clothes pin to her nose, but in her haste fumbles and it falls into Linus's . Plunges her hand in after it.*

*Pushes his head out of the hordes of tribbles which have rapidly taken over the lower levels where he was exploring*

All right, whose bright idea was it to feed the tribble?

It was mine Vidmaster... aided and abetted by Gwennie!

*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTTTTTTTTTTTTTT -
KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*

*A gigantic noise fills the whole Gates estate as the tribbles simultaneously fart in the direction of the (re)booted windowze helpdesk guards who have advanced at a surprisingly fast rate for lowly employees in their position. One by one - or even 50 by 50 - the helpdesk guards topple and appear to a vibrant shade of . They seem to try to understand the question posed by the massed tribble query, but fail (as ever) to be able to comprehend or respond. They go into data overload, twitch and disintrigrate.

Luckily Mari understands the noise perfectly, although looking somewhat from the noxious gases released into the room.*

shazz

*Removes the peg from her nose, picks up one of the purring tribbles and pets it affectionately*

Fancy those nasty wahsty Klingons not liking such itty bitty wee beasties like you den?

*Notices that Mari is looking somewhat and passes her a bottle of smelling salts*

I wonder if we could use the tribbles to "sniff" out loot? You know - like pigs are used to dig up truffles!

*Wonders exactly where one would fasten a leash onto a tribble*

I guess it would be by trial and error Gwennie

*Examines a cute purring (thank goodness it isn't farting!) and peruses on the age-old problem of training it to behave in any other way then reproducing.*

shazz

We could always slip some bromide in their feed, which should suppress their urge to breed! (I'd hate to have to starve the wee beasties after all!)

*Hopes that her hubby doesn't read this and realise what has been slipped into his tea for the past ten years or so*

or Gwennie while we puzzle out this problem?

shazz