A Conversation for Down's Syndrome

Peer Review: A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 1

Beatrice

Entry: Living With Down's Syndrome - A46402481
Author: Beatrice. - U190170

Time's against me here, as this is a Stretcher entry. I was surprised to find that there wasn't anything on Down's in the Guide, so this is my attempt to fill that gap.


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 2

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

smiley - biro

Ms GB


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 3

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

<>

caried out = carried out

smiley - tea

I had no idea that Joanne had died, smiley - rose

GB
smiley - galaxy


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 4

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

Hi Beatrice I'm pleased you've written this smiley - smiley

Here's just a few nitpicks for you to sort out smiley - biro

Footnotes directly start after the word so

<<Down's syndrome In the US and Australia mostly written as Down Syndrome, but also known as Downs Syndrome, DS, or trisomy 21.>>

becomes

<<Down's syndromeIn the US and Australia mostly written as Down Syndrome, but also known as Downs Syndrome, DS, or trisomy 21.>>

Why not play the role of a police woman and interrogate your Entry. Are there bits of terminology that you understand but the great unwashed masses don’t. Perhaps these definitions could be put in footnotes too. E.g. Why are certain races not as much affected? What is chromosomal disorder? What do you mean by motor skills?

There appears to be some double spacing between certain words and there are big gaps in between some paragraphs.

When linking to external sites it's nice to give them a title thus:



becomes



I don't wish to rush you. Please enjoy a number of cups of smiley - tea before worrying about perfecting it. smiley - goodluck with the Stretcher and smiley - ta again for submitting this smiley - applause



A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 5

Opticalillusion- media mynx life would be boring without hiccups

A couple more things smiley - biro

<> should be six

<>

Can you re-read this. I'm unsure of it making any sense.

smiley - goodluck


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 6

Galaxy Babe - eclectic editor

That reads OK to me Opti, smiley - erm except it should be "Al-Qaeda" http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_depth/world/2001/war_on_terror/


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 7

Beatrice

Thanks, I've got the footnotes and the spellings. Where's the 6?


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 8

lil ~ Auntie Giggles with added login ~ returned


>> hefty 6 year-old being wheeled about in a pram, <<


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 9

minorvogonpoet

I found this informative and moving. smiley - smiley

A few points:

In "Who are you calling normal?" The sentence beginning "The milestone choice" doesn't need "decision" as well. It would be better if the next sentence than began "The decison about the best school for each child"

Under "Ethical considerations" I thought amniocentesis carried a risk of miscarriage.


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 10

AlexAshman


This is a good piece smiley - ok

"Down's syndrome occurs in approximately 1 in 1,000 births in the UK"
-->
"Around one in 1,000 live born infants in the UK has Down's syndrome"

"It is determined at conception, and thus is not the result of any event during pregnancy."
-->
"It is determined by the chromosomes in the egg, and is therefore decided before conception and is not the result of any event during pregnancy."

"Thus there are more children with Down's being born simply because there are more foetuses with Down's being created."
-->
"Thus more children with Down's syndrome are being born simply because mothers are at greater risk of producing foetuses with Down's."

You might add that although the risk increases with maternal age, the majority of children with Down's syndrome are born to women under the age of 35 simply because there are still a lot more younger women having babies.

"These tests can be either screening (most commonly a blood sample from the mother, or an ultrasound scan), or diagnostic (Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS), or amniocentesis). "
-->
"Initial screening tests include a blood sample from the mother and a special ultrasound scan, which can be used to determine the chances of the foetus having Down's. Those with a high risk can then proceed to have a diagnostic test such as chorionic villus sampling (CVS) or amniocentesis."

"Heart problems affect almost half"
-->
"Heart defects affect almost half"

Alex smiley - smiley


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 11

Dmitri Gheorgheni, Post Editor

Thank you for writing a very informative piece in such an understanding way.smiley - smiley

No criticisms here.


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 12

Merry Anne

Good entry, well done. You found the right tone for it, which was probably not easy. smiley - ok


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 13

Danny B

smiley - applause

Congratulations on what I'm sure wasn't an easy entry to write smiley - ok


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 14

Beatrice

Thank you all so much for your comments. I've re-worded the testing section so that it's clearer.


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 15

Tibley Bobley

That's well worth a read. Sensitive and interesting. Well done indeedsmiley - applause

There was one thing that made me wonder. At one point you say:
>>This is known as Translocation Down syndrome, and a rare type of translocation is the only form of Down's which is inherited.<<

And a little later:
>>about half of babies born to Down's mothers will have the condition themselves<<

The implication, I guess, is that Down's mothers just have a higher proportion of eggs with an extra chromosome 21. Or is it that women with Translocation Down syndrome are more likely to have children?

smiley - ok


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 16

U168592

Good Entry B. Very good. Balanced, emotive and informative. Thank you smiley - smiley

You know what my only criticism is?

The title! smiley - laugh

To me, the title currently evokes ideas of how to cope if you have Down's Syndrome, whereas the Entry (to me) is more about the overall subject of Down's and various informative and helpful facts.

Perhaps a tweak there?

Down's Syndrome - An Introduction

or

Down's Syndrome - Some Questions Answered

or even simply,

Down's Syndrome

smiley - smiley


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 17

Malabarista - now with added pony

Hi, Beatrice.

What confuses me about this is the opening line - "the most frequently encountered chromosomal disorder". Does that mean it's the one that occurs most often? That people are more likely to meet someone who's affected, or are just more likely to notice someone with Down's than with another chromosomal disorder? Or that it has a higher profile than others?


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 18

Malabarista - now with added pony

Oh, and might I suggest that you move the "physical features of Down's" section closer to the front? Otherwise, sentences like "the sheer volume of noise and activity in a large class can make it difficult to concentrate, particularly for someone with hearing difficulties" are a bit unclear to someone who doesn't know that hearing difficulties are a common problem.


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 19

Beatrice

Thanks folks, I'll get round to those comments sometime soon.


A46402481 - Living With Down's Syndrome

Post 20

Beatrice

OK, I've put the title back to just "Down's Syndrome". That was my original title, but I added the "Living with" when it was for Stretcher purposes to make it clearer what was overblown...

And I've re-worded the hearing/ noisy classroom sentence.

Some of the other more medical questions I can't really answer, but I'll try to find out!


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