h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I find that the countryside and nature steadies me. If I am feeling bad or agorophobic, it is worth me dragging myself out and looking at the trees, birds, squirrels etc. I find that I start to smile again, and I feel myself open up. I am very closed off and introvert a lot of the time, its good for me to open!

So I can relate to how you feel when roaming the countryside, I am not entirely sure what he soul is, but I am convinced that nature is good for it.

I realised I have no idea where you are live, I think you are UK, am I right?

I don't think it's overly weird...just different, unique AND special because it's something that only you experienced in your own way . Being Jesus couldn't have been easy

Someone at the hospital called me 'buddha' which was odd, but kinda cool I suppose, he was schitzophrenic and prolly because I was so laid back and talking to everyone...and I have this red spot in the middle of my forehead - he kinda went off on it...I don't believe I am buddha at all, and I do wish that this 'spider naevai' would go away!

One day I am going to have lazer surgery and get rid of it once and for all *chuckles*

There was a dude there too that said that he had reached the end of the rainbow! And another that was convinced that everything was a govt conspiracy. There was also a young talented girl who was an artist and drew this wonderfully complicated design of a waterfall and foliage, not sure what her mental issue was, she was very elusive.

It takes allsorts

I am British but I now live in New York state!

The countryside that I wandered around in when I was younger was mostly Welsh

Yes good for the soul, mind etc

There's certainly a lot of nice countryside in Wales. Trouble is it's always bl**dy raining.

Never kept in touch with anyone from those days, vix, but there was quite a large turnover of both patients and staff, so not many that I knew for more than a few months anyway.

Family: Large family, small house, and I'm a first percentile introvert, way over on the edge of the bell curve, which combination is probably why I like my privacy. I get on okay with most of the sibs; dad was another extreme introvert so we were never close, and I've nothing in common with my mother.

Never been delusional (well, no more than anyone else anyway ) despite being a dreamer - I could always tell the difference pretty well, but I was seriously demotivated in my teens and twenties. Think I just kind of grew out of it, eventually.

Noggin

Hey Noggin

So true always wet...

Noggin, I know that you pulled thro and stuff and you are a very well balanced, thoughtful kind individual - but I feel so bad that you was in there for a year....at such an inpressionable crucial pivitol age too, if you know what I mean

I take it that your family didn't visit too much, or if they did it was a very careful affair? My birth mom didn't handle my own state of mind very well at all, we don't speak at all now. It was rare that we did before... but now, I just can't bring myself to talk to her.

It wasn't so bad.

I seem to have been quite lucky on the whole. A lot of people have had it a lot worse. For me it was more of a sanctuary. Didn't have a lot of parental visits, but at the time that suited me. It never really struck me as that strange.

My mum drives me up the wall at times, but you learn to live with it.

Noggin

I am sorry to hear about your birth mother - actually, in our family, there is a lot of silence... that's caused huge problems.
Psychiatrists scare me silly... mind, *they* are pretty themselves.

<>
Oh, they certainly can! My mother had polymyositis, which is a degenerative disease of the muscles, causing paralysis. Doctors said she had "housewives neurosis" (very trendy in the late '60s and early '70s.)
Eventually she was properly diagnosed, but not without a huge hassle.

Hi Maniacal Vixon! Hi Kaz!

I can't believe I almost missed this thread! I'm surprised nobody saw it and flagged me down. I am also manic depressive. My first manic break came in 1993, and it was a doozy. Very very severe break. I became very delusional - thought that the world was ending and that I was supposed to save it. Thought I was the reincarnation of a lot of different people, including Jesus, Shakespeare, and Saint Valentine. I had what were called "ideas of reference" - thinking that books and television were talking directly about me. It was like living in Truman Show! Or having your own personal greek chorus. I made a dramatic suicide attempt, which failed because thank god I blacked out. (I had thought a nuclear war was imminent) Then I totaled my car because I was delusional while driving - didn't know I had to stop for the light. I almost got maced by the police taking me to the hospital. I spent about 2 weeks in a locked ward, and 1 week in an open ward. In restraints some of the time, those are terrible memories. Heavy antipsychotics, but I agreed I needed them - was never an issue. I was on litium for about 8 years, then had to switch to zyprexa. Pretty low dose, not many side effects. Also take Prozac for the depression, works well for me.

I too am an artist - I work with oil paints - I do portraits, landscapes, and abstracts. I was not surprised to find out that manic depressives have a 15% greater chance of being artists than the general public. They have scientific studies to back that up.

Some EXCELLENT books on manic depression. My absolute favorite is An Unquiet Mind, a beautiful and beautifully written, terribly moving account of manic depression. Written by Kay Jamison, who is manic depressive herself, and at the same time is a psychiatrist who is a leading expert on manic depression. I LOVE THIS BOOK - can't recommend it highly enough. Another good book is Brilliant Madness by Patty Duke, the actress who starred as Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker.

Movies. "Mr. Jones" was about a manic depressive character, it was fairly good, but not great like Beautiful Mind. The most accurate depiction I've ever seen in a film of a manic depressive was in Last Days of Disco. The character didn't have a huge part, but he wins over the girl in the end, despite his illness. I loved that.

Kaz, Vixen, did either of you listen to music when you were manic? That was one of the most amazing experiences. The music was all encompassing - every note totally peircing. I actually miss that part of being manic.

OK, guess that's enough info right off the bat! I'm open to questions. I too found out the hard way which friends could cope with me being mentally ill, and which ones couldn't. So I don't think it is being paranoid to worry about how others react to us. After all, there is a stigma out there. Luckily I've found plenty of cool people who look past the stigma, and judge me on my own merits.

JEllen

Hello to Della and Noggin too - didn't mean to overlook you!

Oh, wow, Vixen, I've just taken a look at your artwork, and it is FANTASTIC. I especially love the one of the swallow. Can't believe you said that was a rough sketch, it's perfect. *scurries off to send you some of my artwork*

JEllen

I would love to see your artwork MV

Hi JEllen, I loved Mr Jones, it really explained why people sometimes don't want to go on medication, take away the downs and you also take away the ups.

I have got lost in music but not experienced it quite that intensely, I only have manic depression fairly mildly.

Della, thank you for your sympathy . I used to get mildly jealous of other friends who enjoy wonderful relationships with their mother.

Yes doctors who don't listen to their patients can cause allot of damage, especially if they think their patient is psychosematic. So sorry to hear about your mom Della , sounds like you have been thro much. My step mom is also a good example of this, she had a hysterectomy and in the operation, one of the nerves was damaged in her leg, and cut off her blood supply to her lower leg. To cut a long story short the doc believed that it was all in her head, and eventually she got gangrene, luckily she didn't lose her legs but as a result she will never work again and is disabled.

Silence is damaging and distancing for a family. I talk my son to death about things and prolly explain more than whats needed about stuff that is happening, I am hoping he will grow up not afraid to talk to us and be well balanced about life. I have already started to introduce to him, that I was 'ill' and he was looked after by his Granny (ex's mom) whilst I was in hospital. Figured if I started to explain now, it will be easier when he is older and most importantly he heard it from me first.

Psychiatrists have a very difficult job, and they have their own ness and issues too, however some of them are really good, you just have to find one that you connect to, like err...the movie 'Good Will Hunting' that was a good example.

Hey JEllen thanks so much for joining, I love the sun picture

I haven't heard of the psychosis of 'ideas of reference'. I was certainly asked allot about it whilst I was 'in' I was mentally pumelled for more info about what I thought about TV, adverts, radio, dreams, family, art etc...*yeesh* I really got quite agitated!

Feelings of mania can be europhoric, I did too also enjoy some of mine even tho I knew that it can't have been quite right....*chuckles* Kinda weird that altho you can be suffering from 'racing thoughts' I small part of my brain was still able to step back and view it, in a sanish manner and think to yourself 'why am I doing this'....this is not me...which makes it hard for recovery after because that's when you really start to question your sanity and other's motives around you.

I also drove my car when I was sick, I was trying to escape...and drove into the Fens and got lost, allot of deep ditches there.....I made it back however. When I got back I went and stayed in a hotel because my ex was being abusive and threatening to kill me...and he then thought I was having an affair!

My car was confiscated so I tried to run away to the local airport to catch a flight to my Dad's but couldn't get one, so then I went to Heathrow and still couldn't get a flight. I came back home exhausted cos I hadn't slept for several days because of that doc threatening to section me, and then had a visit from a psychiatrist, went to hospital from there.

I remember all of my 'episode' and my thoughts and feelings, and mostly being frustrated because I couldn't get my mouth in gear with mi head *chuckles* I went into a state where for every word that was spoken to me I was trying to decipher what they meant and go thro all the meanings of the words and all the opposite words you can say by that time I had forgotten the question and was rambling on else where ...and well, lets just say that I freaked one psychiatrist out, she was really quite weirded out by me, I would even venture to say that she was scared.

Being maced can't have been fun for you JEllen so sorry that had to happen to you, you must have been really angry, frightened and confused.

Thanks for the info about books shall certainly 'ave a look in the library. I haven't seen the film 'Mr Jones' or 'Last Days of Disco' will look them up in the local blockbuster! At least I will try to remember I get terribly distracted by shiney things, and I am one of those people that can walk into a room and stand there looking confused as I wonder what I came in for

As for music, I have always loved music, I play the guitar even and some piano, I can toot out any tune that I know on a recorder if I so wish...heee! May I suggest JEllen getting your fav cd, and listening to it thro a personal cd player one that has a nice bass, and maybe because all the outside distraction is cut out you might be able to revive that feeling again about music.....just a thought. Don't expect it to happen in five mins tho

Hurrah for people judgin on own merits...

JEllen, thank you for your complimentry enthusiasim

Abbi if you want to have a look it's the link in my personal space...

I'm sorry to hear about your step-mother, is she angry? I would be...
I talk to my sons a lot too, it's important that we start having more openness in the family, because as things are, people feel they can't talk about anything personal (feelings etc.) I admit I am as bad!

Yeh my step mom was really upset by it all, and embarressed...my Dad was hoping mad. I was well, furious, and told them to sue. Unfortunately the solicitor that they choose after much nagging by me - advised them that it wouldn't be a good idea because there was very little proof and evidence and they left it at that, they also got charged, for the privilidge of being told it was hopeless

I have tried to get them to go for other doctors opinions and solicitors but they just want a 'quiet' life. I can only stomp around so much......*SIGH* I wish I had shit loadsa money cos I would go after every single one of the culprits with New York lawyers....

Yes openess is good in family. I realise there are some things that my son won't want to share with either myself or his step dad, and that's ok I can deal with that, sometimes you just have to 'be there' even if they don't feel like talking.

Della, do you talk about your day much and what you got up to? That helps build bridges allot, or at least makes a start to talking about what's happening in your life and also leaves it open for you to return and say 'how was your day then'?

Dinner table is a good one for this, also discussing books and authors are a great eye opener to others opinions and thoughts.

You do okay at expressing yourself on here Della

When he comes in, I ask "how was your day" and he returns the question, also we talk about books, current events etc. But sometimes he'll tell me weeks later, about a quarrel he's had with a school mate, or that he was "really upset" back when he had an argument. I suppose I should be glad that he does tell me, even if not at the time. After what has happened, he has assured me that if he feels *really* bad, he'll tell me. Time will tell.
I think it complicates things that he is a boy, but I don't know, maybe people with 17 year old girls, find they're the same...