h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was going to get to your tail, Shirps.

Makes a grab for Pandora....trips over the net.....lands in a heap in the middle of the floor.

*Ignores hyperactivity and bedlam. Focus on matter at hand and proceeds to drink contents of beer crate in order to prevent it falling into the hands of other persons*

*Grabs the now empty butterfly net, bags herself a giggling hysterically drunken Pandora and removes her to the ladies*

C'mon Pan! We have a big vat of in here and a hose to help you to drink it with.

*Wonders whether the power jet hose thingee will have a long enough aim to use it to sober up *some* of the boys in the bar who appear to be full of wind and *

Full of wind?

Here's the solution...

http://www.ulyssessa.co.za/photos/TurboCharger.jpg

*Afraid to let go of the bit of beer crate in case he falls off the floor*

nice device, WR does it have an afterburner?

I have an afterburner if you need it.

*Holds forth her trusty lighter*



My hubby John says that this picture was in his Motorcycle News a few weeks ago and that the rider is a member of the British motorcycle display team called 'The Purple Helmets' (NB: see rider's hat) who visit all the large UK bike shows. Apparently they are very funny to watch and do all their stunts on Honda 50's and 90's.

http://www.thepurplehelmets.com/

Puts fingers in ears & awaits volcanic like explosion ...


Hondas - ah! My friend had a Honda 250: she & I used to go riding out on Sunday afternoons, eg: Dunstable Downs, etc. I can remember having a sunburned face with a very white ring round it from the helmet & a white band across where my goggles were (together with greasy hair )

The ONLY time I've actually driven a bike was that one, at Windsor Great Park, my friend let me drive it around with a fella on the back & she drove on that fella's bike with his friend on the back. All was going well, till she waved at me & I lost concentration & went into a speed wobble - the bloke on the back was yelling "speed up" - but I didn't - we came a cropper on GRAVEL - - I was OK, he'd torn his trousers & I'd managed to bend the footrest out of all proportion. I was forgiven for both damages. Never rode again - never had a chance & parents/brother (all of whom had once had bikes) wouldn't let me: too dangerous !

My hubby has a Honda CB754 and used to have a Honda XL500S until last year when it was stolen.

Poor Shirps! I do sympathise with you. I wanted to get a wee Tiger Cub when I was 16 but my parents wouldn't let me. I even had trouble with my Dad when I was 17 and started to take driving lessons and had to put up with comments along the lines of: "What does she want to learn to drive for?" All Dad's comments succeeded in doing was to make me more determined to continue and unfortunately the world has never been the same since! Mind you, once I had got used to the luxury of four wheels, it seemed rather pointless learning to ride a bike but I do wish that I had now that I am too weak and feeble to handle a bike.

*Flicks the switch on her lighter and ducks as an enormous flash and bang rends the air*



*Ducks again as a large section of the pub ceiling crashes to the ground, flattening the lads who were recently helping to prop the bar up*

Whoops! Dear me! What a mess! Do you think they'll be cross with me?

*Groaning can be heard and feebly moving limbs seen amongst the rubble*

*Covered in plaster, still hanging on to bit of crate, but now convinced he has fallen off the floor somehow.*

Gwennie - we must have had the same father - exactly same attitude, but I never had the "guts" to carry on learning - too much trouble! IHowever, I took lessons & passed test about 12 years ago, but the hand thing had hit which means I can't drive even if I wanted to - leave it to the other half - he's safer Know the feeling about not being able to handle a bike now - don't reckon I could even lift one onto its stand (do they still have those? )

hope the ceiling in the Ladies is intact! I reckon they're too inebriated to know who caused the crash - I should keep quiet Gwennie - better get out of the Ladies to search the rubble for the

(D'you think they'll all look like cardboard cutouts )

Shirps, do you mean cardboard cut-outs as in they will be all flat and wobbly or rather stiff and unable to move without being carried? But then again, I suppose all the aforementioned afflictions could apply.

*Slips a rescue harness onto Shirps*

You'd better drag out any injured so I can put to practice some of my many nursing skills. Oh! If you come across any of the contents of Pan's crate of I'll take care of those too.


If you don't mind talking about it here, what is hand thing that hit you and prevents you from driving?I'd hate to be unable to drive, even though I am sure that the roads would be a safer place as a result!

Gwennie, flat & wobbly I suppose, similar to normal

's emerged from Ladies to report they are all happily drinking - just opened another couple of bottles when they heard of the collapse of the ceiling

for the harness , don't want to get lost under all that rubble ... starts sniffing around ... exactly what sort of smell am I trying to find?


To Gwennie: Look in my journal under heading "forthcoming operation" - that sortof explains all!! I find my fingers lock when holding something & strength in arms & hands is pretty weak. Reckon I may actually be dangerous on the road

It's good to know that the ladies in the Ladies are safe and sound...Well, perhaps not exactly safe - I would never describe that lot collectively as being 'safe' - especially when they are around nice young men!

Unfortunately you should be looking for the 'it's unmentionable-in-an-h2g2-forum' sort of smell Shirps and I would offer you a nose peg, but that would rather defeat the object of the operation, wouldn't it? All I can suggest is that you go for their legs and arms in order to avoid beery burps and other bodily odours.

*Nips off to read Shirps' journal*

::rising from the rubble::

what a rush! same again, tender - and make it a double this time!

Aaaaw! I was looking forward to dragging out by his gold earring ... begins sniffing for undesirable smells ...

*pokes her head out....surveys damage*

I'm not cleaning that up.

Don't worry Hyp - I'm SURE all the girls will help ... when they've sobered up a bit too ... or maybe not?

Can I see a Legolas look-alike fireman walking through the shattered door? ... runs up to him, sniffs & paws to the rubble ... starts barking frantically & scratching the floor ...

to little to pull anyone out

Cripes! There's another ... Aragorn look-alike this time ...

oh goody, i haven't had to dispose of anyone for ages