h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

there is a duck in the toilet

Is it eating Queam Quackers?

if it is it will make me s-queam-ish

... don't worry guys, at least it's only drinking s-quash & not your queamy - getting very


PS Do you want me chase it out?

KES!!! I'm SO sorry!If I woulda' ment ta' hit you I would have hit you MUCH harder!

I feel like singing!...a hundred bottles of beer on the wall...a hundred bottles of be-e-er...ya' take one down you pass it around...*Pandora is pelted by anything not nailed down...*

Everyone's a crit.

*throws a butterfly net over Pandora and drags her towards the ladies*

*Grabs hold of Pandora's crate of beer to stop it being removed should Pan lose her grip and get tugged into the Ladies*

*Joins Hypatia at the business end of the butterfly net and helps to drag a resisting in a most unladylike fashion Pan back to the ladies*

It's alright Pan! Look. WR is looking after you crate of beer and he wouldn't dream of drinking any of it, now would he?

*Grins knowingly at WR*

Come on Pan old thing, it's time for nice a cold shower...

*Joins WR at the business end of the crate of beer - with every intention of drinking the contents!*

::watches the tie whilst drinking the ::

owie owie owieHOLDIT!! There's plenty of me to go around! Buy a ticket! The line forms to the right.not
the hair...hey!...*smacks WR's hand...*NOT Those either! for tat indeed!

Have I no say in the matter?
Shouldn't the men decide?
I mean, how can you improve perfection? owie - stop it -
SHIRPSBITE SOMEONE!OWIE!!!good girl.
owie - -not the hair! Buncha' bloddy ers! I don't wanna' go! I wa umhin That net tastes like s!
...*just then...a crack of wood snapping is heard...for a second everything comes to a hault...all eyes are on Kes as he is hurled backwards off his stool both hands firmly holding a slate from the beer crate...*
that's gonna' leave a mark......you guys don't know your own strenght! I like that in a man...
owie! Not the hair!!!!

... emerges from Ladies ... sits down & checks her claws ... files one to a nice point ... looks around ... Pan, I WAS gonna help you as they were going to bath me too ... but I'm afraid I had a "get out of bath card" given earlier to me by Hypatia ... sighs ... so I guess I'll just HAVE to help get you into the Ladies ... by-the-by I don't bite - I'm a good gie

Sees Kes laying prostrate on the floor ... looks unconcious ... oh dear ... runs over & licks his face all over, while jumping up & down on his chest ... well, he's had a wash now anyway

Back to Pan ... loops claw through her belt & pulls her towards the Ladies ...

::finishes his ::

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRPPP!!!

Force of wind from 's mouth helps to propel Pan closer to the Ladies door ...

Here's another for you ... hopes it gives same reaction

Someone open the door!

... rushes to door & with finely sharpened claw inserts it in the crack (of the door ) ... carefully prises the door OPEN - yay! Holds the door & waits patiently, agging tail ...

::finishes his ::

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRPPP!!!

::the wind slams the door shut::

oops,

... HOWLS WITH PAIN ... someone - howl - PLEEEEEASE - howl - open the door - howl ... my tail is trapped in it ... HOOOOOWL ...

shivering & about to collapse

*drops the butterfly net containing the struggling Pandora and rushes to Shirp's rescue*

Let me see that paw. *rubs some ointment into the paw thjen gives Shirps a special recipe brownie* Poor puppy.

actually it was my tail, but the ointment is sure to help the wear & tear on my nails ... ah! special recipe brownie ... gulps it down in one go ... rolls over for tummy to be tickled ... then sees Pan's getting away ... quick with the net Hypatia ... I'm a little phased ... incapable of ning anywhere

recovering happily