h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

no no I'll be good see see I am only going to drink water infact I will never ever go in to a bar againe
*runs out screeming*

*More evil laughing*

*Manages to finally get a dart in the board*

*Orders PGGBs all round to celebrate*

*flutter of wings*

Hi folks,

may I have a strawberry margarita?

*Gets everyboddys drinks. and just to make Hezer sick throws a dart from behind the bar and hits the center of the bulls eye*

I'll have one of those PGGB's....
*throws three darts into the bulls eye

My god you are drinking almost as much as Sparky...I did not think that was possible.
*makes her drink walks to the verry back of the room and throws three dars that split G.B.s darts in harlf*

*Green with envy*

*Just to anoy every boddy throws three darts from out side the windoy and they all hit the trebble twenty*
oy Vince...she is not even close see
*holds up 200 empty bottles for inspection*
I think I will sleep now
*cloapses hanging harlf in the bar and harlf out of the window*

*Sighs*
he never could hold his liquer
*picks him up and carres him out of the room..comes back a minet later and startsdrinking the ramaisn of Sparkys scoch*
no point in wasting it is there

* Walks up to the dart board and very deliberatley puts the darts into the bullseye*

*Stands back in the hope people will think she has thrown them*

Good throw
lthough I think you where a little to clase

*goes off to borrow Petunia's crossbow*

well if we are going to bring wepons in to it
*reaches under the bar and draws out a long bow*

*pulls out a gun from her pocket*

*looking really angrey walks in with a notice hammers it to Vinces for head and walks out againe...the notice reads*

Vince has been complaning that I am going sane so to prove to him tha I am not

1. What is your name?
2. Where do you live?
3. Would you object to us breaking your windows?
4. What do you think of plums?
5. How many brothers and sisters have you got?
6. Have you ever smelt a tree?
7. Do you own a computer?
8. Do I own a computer?
9. Are you illiterate?
10. Do I know you?
11. Do you agree with this statement?
People are not wearing enough hats.
12. If you take off all the wallpaper in your living room, can you fit another sofa in?
13. If you were a fruit, what would it be?
14. Do you now feel guilty if you eat someone that is a fruit?
15. How many elephants can you fit into a mini?
16. How many minis can you fit in an elephant?
17. How do you know? Have you tried?
18. What is your favourite flavour of jam?
19. Why?
20. What is your granddads inside leg measurement?
21. How do you know?
22. If an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub, would you say "is this some sort of joke?"
23. Have you ever microwaved a hamster?
24. If not, why not???
25. What question are you on?
25. What question are you on?
25. Am I repeating myself?
25. Am I repeating myself?
26. Do you think there are too many 25s?
27. Should this question have a question mark
28. Seeing as there are 4 number 25s, does this mean we are on question number 128?
29. Are you answering seriously?
30. Are you bored?
40. Can you count?
56. Can I count?
A. Are you confused yet?
i) Are you roman?
31. Its a cold drink, its a hot day, beads of condensation are working there way down to the tabletop THERE IS NO COASTER.what do you do?
32. How do you answer a question like that?
33. Stick a sausage in your ear and shout wazafonko and see if the deadly monster of the sandpit erupts in your Christmas cake. Do you find this weird?
34. Hippo foot?
35. What do we mean by that question?
36. Is my mothers maiden name the same as yours?
37. How old are you?
38. The man walked into the bar and
and said ouch.
39. Did you notice the miss teike?
40. bumbum bum der der dee di do per ti me la fe no bumbumbum
41. What album is this off? (I would ask the artist, but thats obvious.. and this is not a painting)
42. This is no longer 42.
43. Told you
44. What is the air speed velocity of a European migratory swallow?
45. Who cares?
46. Boots
47. Did Pink Floyd do a cover of question number 40?
48. Or was it Yellow Floyd Grossman?
94. What was it that shouted UUUULLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
95. 1,2 skip a few, 94, 100.
96. Why are you wasting so much time on this?
49. Why was I alive when London was in ruins?
50. What album is that from? (Very big clue. Question 40)
51. What is so special about that album? What does it mean to me?
52. Humfrey Littletons words are spoken by an actor.
53. Get rid of unsightly stains with a..STEALTH BOMBER.
54. Can you cut down a tree with a herring?
55. I have a telephonic memory?
56. Can you slap yourself?
57. I can
58. Have you ever seen a mongoot fruit? Do you know him? (see question 14)
59. Have you ever tried jimmy the pear? I went to school with him, and we worked in pears.
60. Have you enjoyed this gibberish?
61. My maths teacher has constipation, he works it out with a pen and paper.
62. Do you realise.



While you were reading this questionnaire, you could have:
- Watched ER
- Cut down a football pitched size of rainforest.
- Attempted to cut a tree down with a herring
- Stuck a sausage in your ear and shouted wazafonko and seen if the deadly monster of the sandpit erupted in your Christmas cake.
- Read War and peace, about as interesting as listening to paint dry.
- Written a book about as long as war and peace.
- And more interesting.
- Got rid of your unsightly stains with a Stealth Bomber.
- Caught a European migratory swallow.
- Then worked out its air speed velocity.
- Eaten your sofa.
- Taken all the wall paper out of your living room and put in a new sofa
- Counted all the Chins on Robby Coltrane, and in a Chinese telephone directory.
- Fixed a chair.
- Learnt to play a musical instrument.
- Learnt to play the song from number 40.

- When Santa gets bored in his grotto,
- He doesnt play bingo or lotto.
- He sits on a shelf
- And plays with an elf
- Sod this for a laugh is his motto.

- Theres a small breed of dog called a scotty.
- Whos house trained, and sits on a potty
- He gives a loud yap
- As he does a large crap
- Then stands up and wipes his wee botty

- Horses are Brown.
- So are cooked chickens.

hay slow down there kid.. this is the wron thred...oh you have put it up here as well, I think that is enough now I baleve you.
*Creates an apple on tom of Hezhers head and then shoots an arrow through it*

*Reads notice*

*Five hours later returns to darts*

well at least it proves that he is insane

Weapons?! I hate weapons! Well, paint ball guns are okay, though.