h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oh poo.

good night.

I think I may well join in...

*takes candle*

Where are the still people then?...

There's one on the floor over there, covered in melted candles.
Help yourself.

zzzzzzzz...zzzzz...zzzzz...

~starts stacking the hot coals around and over MOC~

*starts taking advantage of wax-laden still person*

~moves the hot coals out of Emily's way~

~crouching, rubbing against boot of Sometimes Soppy Mina, purring~
Oh look, another convert!
Now we can start to have a real party !
Having fun yet Emily?

Thanks Calamity, they needed a polish.

*wakes up*

what's this!?
i'm still alive!?
and in one piece too!

Why don't you come over here and lie down on this rack?

okie dokie.

hmmm,

not very comfortable.
that's good.

Excellent.

~attaches the cuffs to MOC's wrist and ankles and tightens up the wheel~

Hold on one moment, I forgot something.
~goes to Arthur's chest in the corner and gets something out. Comes back with a metal bowl with something inside it. She places it upside down on MOC's stomach and tapes it down. Goes to the fire, wonders where her tongs are, and brings back hot coals to place on top of the bowl~
That's better. There's rats inside there. I'm sure when the bowl heats up they'll be desperate to escape, and I think your stomach will be easier to claw through than the bowl.
~goes and tightens the wheel up a bit more~

OOOOOOO!
AHHHHHH!
AAAAAH!

OW!
HEHE!

~tightens the wheel until his shoulders pop out of their sockets~

ARGLARGLARHGLARHGL!

~wanders off to leave him in pain for a few hours, making sure there are plenty of hot coals around the bowl to encourage the rats~

HEY! WHAT IF I PASS-

Are they big rats?
I don't like rats! Horrible fat things with tails!
~shudder~
I wonder if she noticed those tongs had gone? Oh well.
~sits in corner of dungeon and goes to sleep, awaiting the arrivakl of new vic...customers~

I think he's passed out.
Hello Calamity. Do you want to check under the bowl to see if the rats are still there? There's a lot of blood about.

~throws bucket of freezing cold water over MOC to make sure he wakes up~