h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Sunbathes for a while. Notices that someone has left their keys in their very nice boat...

Decides that stealing the boat is too much trouble.

Using mobile phone, calls a cab and goes to the airport. Buys ticket to... somewhere... *

*Pierce emerges from his secret hideout, makes sure the coast is litterally clear, dresses, climbs up a ladder and sneaks in through a broken window. Peeks down through a hole in the floor at a certain lady who has apparently fallen asleep while reading and drinking a vast amount of vodka. Decides to wait and see what happens*

*Groggily comes round with a stiff neck and drool all over the book she'd been reading*

Bother! It must be the draft from that broken window!

*Draws a curtain across the broken window and is unable to shift a feeling that she is being watched*

Pierce? Are you still asleep?

*Makes her way over to the hammock and finds it empty*

How strange! Hello! Is anyone here?

*The feeling of being watched becomes too much to bear and Gwennie exits the hut in a state of panic, climbs into the boat and frantically fails to start its engine*

Ahoy there - can I be of any help? I am somewhat used to boats you know?

You! Well, about time! Come on then...Let's see if a chap can get this thing going...

*Makes room for Pierce to climb aboard*

*Surfaces againe*
I think I fell asleep on the bottem. how strange. on well
*clime out realises that he is naked and creates himself some clothes.
builds a fier and lights it*
any ne wany some breakfast
*starts cooking backon sussage, eggs mushrooms and fried bred

My you two are up early, aren't you?

What do you say, Gwennie, should we join Holy Bob?

What I have holes in me?????
where??????
oh right the saint hood got it sorry.

*The smell of cooked food whatfts across to the boat and Gwennie's tummy starts to rumble*

Have you got any vegetarian fare to hand there please Bob?

Come on Pierce, lets share Bob's food with him!

Okay. I say we share even: I'll take the food and you can have Bob...

Ah, but would he go down well with a bottle of bubbly?

Well, I guess if it's a real fine and expensive and big bottle of champagne you could persuade him to...

What say you, brother?

We seem to have rendered Bob speechless!

Oh, well! Waste not, want not as my Grandmother used to say...

*Helps herself to a large bowl of salad and a glass of bubbly and grins at Pierce exposing a huge lump of lettuce stuck between her front teeth*

*knock knock*
*GB places a breakfast tray on the table besides the Pirate sleeping in his hammock.
*creeps out quietly*

*Still trying to work out whether or not Gwinne is a canable sters blankly at the lake in the poring rain*

*Grins back, startles at the sight and empties his glass*

Sorry, must dash - fresh breakfast in my hut, I believe! Join me if you like.

And maybe later a body-shot in the bar?

Oh right I get it now....where has every boddy gon. oh well.
*gets up and wanders off to the other side of the lake where he then starts to fish.

*A giant green flying saucer lands quietly behind the hut and a party of bots carry a vast amount of barrels and crates into the cellar along with smoked lambhaunch, sausages and a lot of other exotic food*

Ah, the food has arrived. Hope noone notices. Wouldn't want to embarass anyone here. The food here is fine, but you simply can't get this stuff here.

*Opens large bottle of dark, bitter beer and cuts some heavy slices of a haunch, carries it to the table by his hammock, lies down and starts to indulge*

*Waves to Bob and wanders into the hut, slamming the door behind her, causing a cloud of dust to fall from the ceiling onto the table of food*

Hi Pierce! Hasn't anyone ever told you that it's very bad for your digestion to eat lying down?

Ah, who cares? With these amounts of beer anything will be flushed down where it belongs. Here, have som yourself *dusts of a piece of smoked mutton and hands it to Gwennie along with a barrel of beer*

BUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPP!!!

Pardon me french!