h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Kasdog has to stop mid pocketpick as the itching is driving him mad. Runs to the nearest doorpost, tears off shirt, and starts rubbing his back against the wooden frame, bear style.

whips out his violin and plays 'bear necessities; singing along loudly and out of tune

Gags kasdog with the discarded shirt.

unties shirt from mouth tosses at H and demands she wash it as that;s a women's job

Takes a pair of dressmaking shears to the violin's bow, points frowning at singed (still unreplaced hammock) and the rest of the mess, then throws the shirt back as kasdog and places a cake of lemonscented soap in his mouth.

removes lemon scented soap from mouth,Thanks Herrena for the gift,gives the shirt a quick rinse with it in the corner sink, slips in to it still damp but clean and smelling of his favourite lemon drizzle cake.Wanders to a corner of the room,smiling but secretly plots a dastardly revenge on those who have mocked him involving limp sticks of rhubarb and boot polish

Wonders where this credit card came from. Hands it to police so they may trace owner. Is puzzled about the rhubarb held by kasdog, wonders if it has anything to do with the stick of wet celery and flying helmet in the corner. This is too much to puzzle over, so puts up new hammock and clambers in, sipping Jim Beam. His best friends are Jack Daniels, Jim Beam & Johnnie Walker. His pet is a famous grouse.

discovers flying helmet and wet celery with delight, uses residual heat from the singed hammock to melt boot polish and boil up celery and rhubarb, smiles evilly as resultant concoction looks extraordinarily like Jim Beam wanders over to LW with sycophantic smile

having read the previous post, LW is alerted to Kasdog and not fooled.

is horrified to discover that someone is reading his posts and planning to thwart his evil plans. Decides to hide under the sink and ponder his future.

Beams with delight as Kasdog is thwarted.

Exits space under sink where he'd been hiding, removes painter's mask, scratches area where kasdog rubbed against him crowding into the space under the sink, waits well to one side for kasdog to discover the spider hiding under the sink.

realises the spider is his pet tarantula Gladys , strokes her furry back points her in the direction of Herenna and whispers 'go get her Gladys

Somewhat disoriented by the itching powder, Gladys throws her two front legs up and runs in circles on the hind six.

Finds a bagful of dried flies kept as snacks for visiting spiders and places it, open, near Gladys.

decides not to harass Herenna because anyone who is kind to Gladys and feeds her flies,must be a lovely person. Wonders if Herenna will leave a bag of cream donuts on the floor near the sink as he is really comfortable and may decide to live there if he can get enough to eat

Contrarily leaves a plare of spaghetti vongole where kasdog can just about reach it.

...unlatches the cat door...

Wasn't aware that cats liked spaghetti vongole. Watches with interest as cat gobbles it up.

worries in case gets indigestion as she has eaten the