h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...realizes that the process of counting would have the effect of scattering at least one (and probably more) groatimesimals (groatimesimal, the hundredth part of the groatime, groatime, the hundredth part of the groat) to the winds, decides to keep hand out the seed pocket...

continues to ignore words of more than one syllable, wonders why syllable has more than one syllable and starts to build a trap for Spiderman out of old socks

Wonders why my feet are cold and realise that all three pairs of socks (worn one over the other, at the same time) have been removed.

Wonders if he should ask granny to knit socks for poor barefoot waif

Wonders why there isn't a fire in the room. Shivers in excessively dramtic manner.

Wakes suddenly, sees a figure covered in cobwebs and some one in a blue and red outfit scuttling across the roof. Wonders if he's drunk too much Jim Beam. Takes another swing and close his eyes.

sets fire to a nearby hammock to warm up Herrena and hopes no one is lying in it,especially some one who is full of

Liquid Warrior falls out of the hammock, slightly bruised and singed at the edges.

Offers L.W. an apology and another bottle of 'gut rot'

...figure scuttling across the roof turns and is revealed to be... wrll, some kind of simian...

Hmmm! Simian? I thought you said sem....erm never mind.

looks round at the chaos he has caused and starts to laugh

...starts putting together his prescription for hiccups (hiccoughs?), cold french fries, warm beer and a cold pork shoulder roast......does it every time...




[The new glasses seem to be helping with the astigmatism problem.]

Wonders where the singe marks on hammock came from. He doesn't smoke, so cannot have fallen asleep while smoking. Quite an expensive hammock, too. Wonders where he can get one to replace it, and will the one responsible pay for it. Ore impoortnat, his Jim Beam bottle is empty. He goes in search of a full one.

Goes through kasdog's pockets and extracts a credit card, which had better not be maxed out.

discovers credit card is gone and wonders how he will feed his 13 starving chidren

Hands credit card to liquid warrior, along with a phone.

sneaks up behind LW hoping to pick his pocket and steal back his credit card and take the phone as interest

Drops three packets of itching powder down kasdog's neck.

...pulls on painter's mask against anticipated explosion of itching powder...