h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

and if her doughnuts come out well she'll be an 'appy Fanny.


attached

What happened to that huge Ostrich egg you used to have? Oh, 'at 'atched into a 'en.


DESPICABLE

See dees apple trees? Dis one no good, but dis one, ah dis pick able.

Jupiter

While walking through the perfume section my wife was struck by a designer scent. Yep, some Joop 'it her.




PLACATE

In a bizzare multidimesional warp in the the patient's mouth, the doctor announced:

I'm sorry to say that the plaque ate her.

Madagascar

My uncle had a crazy electric bus, but an even Madder Gas car.



BETROATHED

Don't rabbit, row the darn boat.

POLITICS

While parrots have mimicked speech for years, it wasn't until recently when an African Grey swallowed its owners watch that we can honestly say...(yes, you know what's coming) that:

Polly ticks.

CUCUMBER

When a queue is encumbered by an impediment, such as a bollard or a sleeping policeman or an irritatingly argumentative drunk, we call such encumbrances queue-cumbers.


ARRIVISTE

Could Adam hear Eve East of Eden?

DIPLOMAT

A diplomat is a special mat to keep your diplomas on view on the table or dressing-table or bookshelf without scratching the surface.





ARTHRITIS

Half right is not good enough

TUXEDO

Se what he does with his shirt, Mabel. It's a sign. Tucks he do and not tucks he don't.





POPPYCOCK

hello Poppy, cock over hoop about passing your exams?


gramophone

Young Graham (Gram) O'Phone was the fastest talker in the whole of Galway.



IMMENSE

are dIM MEN SENsible?


professional

Anglers are pro-fish 'n' all.

ABERDEEN

Confucius he say ' man who miss first letter off each word wear aberdeen aincoat'



Soliloquy

I was the only one whose boat tied at the flower strewn dock. I was solo lilly quay




Wedding

I weally fink I shall dwive all the way to weading todai.





impersonate