h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As a visitor to H2G2 its reasuring to see a traditional cricket pitch A sign of a civilised community

Let me know if you do get a match organised - and I'll bring my sandwiches and tea.

If anyone's in need of a fiery pace-bowler who can't bat for toffee, I'm available... Just ensure you get 10 other players to bat before me!

At the moment I'm just looking for 10 other players full stop.
You could end up opening

Oh and can I have a sandwich please?

Of course you can have a sandwich

*passes a cucumber sandwich

sorry it's a bit crinkly because it was several hours since I mentioned it

If you're struggling for a team, I'm happy to bat (but not to open) - and my bowling is a bit erratic

I'm available as twelfth man, scorer and guardian of the beer.

As the vicar, I am hapy to clap at inopportune moments and say "Oh. jolly good show!", but last time they let me bat I set a fire extinguisher off...

Perhaps this is groundless optimism, but maybe the Brit and Aussie h2g2 communities would care for a little light-hearted mock 'Ashes' series...

...All in good fun, of course...

Are we allowed to place a bet on the opponents

Spoken like a true person of the cloth!

While the love of Money may be the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10) I don't see the point of throwing it away!

Cucumber Sandwich?

An ashes sounds a good idea to me - but on present form we seem to be a few men short.

Is there such a thing as 5 a side cricket?

There's that cricket max thing that I think has 6 players
And you get to play in bright coloured pyjamas

What can we burn to get the ashes?

Couldn't we ask the parson for some divine guidance?

Sorry about this.....

Like the Lord's Prayer?

I've excommunicated for less...

...we could burn the rest of the cucumber sandwiches - they're looking pretty dry...

They're also a bit existential - I think they just got finished in a different conversation. Sorry

* produces the complete works of Lord Archer *

However, I've been trying to get rid of these from the library for ages.

* tries to think of a positive selling point *

He is English and has been known to play cricket

Book-burning?? What is this, a right-wing political rally?

Still, it *is* Lord Archer. I'd be more upset if you burnt toilet paper.

Perhaps we could play for who *doesn't* get the embers of his crappy pulp fiction...

Do we have to be reminded that some nutcase made Jeffrey Archer a peer of the realm ?

And I'd play really hard to loose those Ashes - might even get off my roller. Or maybe I won't since my ex-school's cricket coach said I looked like Paul Adams when I bowl.

We could burn the books, and make an ashes sandwich with the remains of the cucumber sandwiches, and then whoever looses gets to have it in their bread bin for 4 years.

Not generaly in favour of book burning myself - but I honestly don't see what else I can do with these ...

Perhaps rather than burning the books we could make the loosing captain read out a chapter to his team - or do you think that would make the stakes too high?