h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As Honourary protector of Friday i've decided that I need my own house. The castle is nice enough but lil's trying to paint it all pink. Also there isn't enough sport on the tele in the lounge. And the sofa's arn't confortable enough. and there's nowhere to tie up my horse.

So through my great knowledge of Maths, Physics and general Trivia, i've built my own feasting hall and general house for me.

There's a long thin table going straight down the middle piled high with ,,,, steak and other tasty food. Take whatever you want.

There's a (very) big screen tv at one end showing all good sporting events and some rubbish ones too, there's Leicester City, Leicester Tigers, Sheffield Wednesday(blame the gf) and England shirts framed, on the wall. There's a number of sofas of different colours, shapes and sizes. I'm usually found lying prone on the 4 seater Brown leather sofa asleep in front of the football.

When I'm not flaked out in front of the TV i'll be either cooking in the large galley kitchen. That table isn't covered in food by accident. The beer celler under the hall needs constant care and the wine cellar needs stocking up all the time, The fridge needs filling with steak and pork products and the hungover people who stayed the night need breakfast.

For your inner geek you'll find an assortment of games consoles and pc's with games for young and old on. Funnily Pro Evo 4 and GTA: San Andreas seem to be most popular. There are also a number of bedrooms to sleep off fuzzy head or with your choice of buxom maidens, strapping, handsome men or whoever you managed to swap spit with under the tressle last night.

As can be imagined the language can be a little corse(most of it out of my mouth) and standard local pub rules apply about little brats.(this ain't no bloody wacky wharehouse)

Please pop in and have a steak and a beavie.

England shirts All the rest sounds cool, Like an off premicice Meeting point, ye olde pube or something along those lines. Sounds fine to me . Oh BTW do you want another title From either category B or C if so take a look at the membership page a gain and ask for it in the JOB CENTRE

In deference to King Paul, The shirts of the Restite Knight have been framed and placed in pride of place on the wall. If there is any other teams or things you wish to have represented, leave a message and i'll consider putting them up to.

Since you were last here I've also put a big bit of grass outside the back door for use as a sports pitch. It's currently marked for football but rugby,cricket and other team sports can be played on there.

If anyone fancies a kick around i'll happily join in.

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Ahhh, home sweet home

Ok there nothing on tv and nobody here. I'm going back to the castle to see if anyones up.

::enters after working out with the bard and such for the next few days of entertainment, the humble alchemist walks into the large hall… eyeing the décor it is close to place he had seen in his own home country. Never been one for the local sports (not out of any malice but just cause no one has ever taken the time to explain the games to him )
He pulled from his ever present clanking case of things and potions and pulls a very bright orange and white American football jersey from the state of Tennessee. He leaves a small note stating the since any suggestion was considered he would like his teams shirt up as well, having felt happy with this Steer moved to the food and drink area and thought. Stopping for a moment he looked between bar and buffet a bit enamored with both. Deciding to stick to the moral high ground he went to the bar. Seeing no barkeep he made himself a dry three olive martini (triple shot)… chugged it and made another... this one he placed beside an x-box and moved to the food. Deciding on a medley of culinary delights he moved to the area he chose as a seat… one of the larger chairs he leaned back munching away now sipping his drink. He pulled out a copy of Halo2 and began to play.:

Nice place if but a little vacant… F#$%er! Why won’t you die?!?!

:as he tries to shoot down a foul alien scum… *hic*

:he plays and feasts more and after the meal and about 7 martinis and a new speech impediment. He stands and moves out. In drunken haze he hopes no one is mad cause he wants a US football jersey but at least it’s a college team… meanders to the grounds of the castle:

I think about....here.

< The shirt is placed above the Console wall>

Suppose i better refil the table.

S^&t. I forgot to rebuild those dummies and clear up in the courtyard.

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Lil, you can come in now.

I know it's not much but people enjoy it and would moan if the place ever changed. I find if i introduce things one at a time and slowly they accept things changing. People don't like wholesale change or change for changes sake.

If you would like to pull up a pew we could ha.... I've just seen the time. I doubt the King will be happy with me or you if we are late for dinner. I suggest we make haste to get to castle before dinner is called. If you wait just a second I will change from my day clothes to clothes for this evening.

Ok, Done, I've changed to my finery for the evening. If we make haste we can reach the castle in time for you to change and i to have a quick drink at the Knights table before dinner.

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Suppose i'm going to have to clear this all up. Lucky me.

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Stay there, i have something i wish to teach you.



I know now I cannot escape. I will accept without complaint however you wish to punish me for being a thief.

Good. That is the second noble thing you have said and i only met you not long ago. Now hold out both hands and close your eyes.

he must be doing that to not hurt me so much.

Open your eyes boy.



Sir Knight. Why have you given me this?

It is the uniform of a page of the house of the big knights. If you wish to take the first steps towards becoming a knight of the restite kingdom you must become one.

But why me, Sir Knight. I tried to steal from you?

Because in you i see many qualities that need to be brought out and many similarities to myself at your age. You where doing it in ignorance and to protect yourself and others from the agressor. That is a noble knightly trait and should be encouraged. That you did it in the wrong means is something that can be taught out of you by training and discipline. A page is a respected position in this kingdom, All knights have been one for one of the many houses.
That cloak used to be mine when I was a page to Sir Big Peter and was his when he was page to Sir Big James. It is now your responability to look after,keep clean and wear the cloak with pride.

Thank you, Sir Knight.

And as you are now my page I ask to know your name, boy.

I don't have a name Sir Knight, I am just known as the boy.

From now on you to be known as Ben the page of Sir Big Steve. You are a representative of the house of the Big Knights. You will act, and be a young man of honest and true word and deed. In return for being my page I will train you in the essence of the Knight and all things that I and others of my kith and kin know. You will now eat and sleep in this great hall and you will join me on my journeys throughout this kingdom and the world.

When I judge it to be time you will be judged by the King and knights of restite to see if you are fit to become one. I will sponser you through this and then you will have your own soul sword forged for you. just like the one carried by all Knights of Restite.

Ohh. and one last thing, here.





That sword and this scabbard is for you to wear with the cloak. The sword is slightly blunted but it is still a weapon that will kill. There is no need to draw it unless practicing,meditating or fighting for your life.



Stop. The first thing I shall teach you is respect for your sword. A restite Knights should be sheathed in one way and one alone.



Good, maybe too quick to show complete respect for the sword but the action and the attitude was correct. If I teach you anything, boy, it will be to slow down and think what you are doing. A sheathing is a slow ceremonial act, to show respect for the sword and that which you have done using it.

Like the island, very artistic, I've just come to sharpen my skills at halo

Come boy we are going for a walk. To let other see and know you are now under my protection and have agreed to train under me.

Yes, Sir Knight

*hears noise in background, doesn't take any notice*

*Sir Big Steve, his page Ben and a detachment of the Restite Army approach the long-house that is the Hall of Sir Big Steve. He sees the doors off there hinges and split beer kegs and rotten food lying outside the hall. Knowing there are only two entrances he sends half the squad to the back and moves to enter the front. A crossbow bolt hits the door where Steve's head should been but he was flat against the wall, expecting the shot. He nips in and the doors are shut behind him, sealing the hall.
Sir Big Steve draws his sword and creeps through the dark room. Shafts of light pierce through from various angle, betraying holes in the roof and walls. He sees the devastation with tables upturned wall coverings ripped to shreads and everything broken, bent or missing. He sees a small group of men cowering together, two sighting down crossbows towards the doors. He approachs the goup, staring through the gloom and thanking his Benatee night sight. He knows that he is hidden in the dark and has the advantage.
He watchs the door creep open, sees a quirrel bury itself at head-height and smiles to himself as Ben rolls into the darkest corner of the hall, sword drawn. While the attention of the enemy is on the open door he silently moves towards the group, Takes a running jump and lands in the centre of them, his sword flying as the two bowman are cut in half. Ben runs in and stabs the man swinging his dagger at Sir Big Steve. Steve turns and decapitates another two enemies and then is finished.

*Sir Big Steve turns and surveys the scene of carnage.*

It's a bit of a mess isn't it.

*His page Ben also studies the scene*

Yes Master. This will take some tidying.

Get the lads to work then, I'll let the soldiers keep searching the island.

*Steve walks to the door of the Hall and flings them open. The light streaming in shows how much work is to be done to rebuild the Hall to it's former glory. *

Captain, Thanks for sealing the doors, I think we can manage now. Check the rest of the island for the enemy and report back here when you have finished. Send a runner to the castle to say that I will be here for some time unless called up to the castle.


*Sir Big Steve turns and walks back into the Hall. He hefts a firkin on his shoulder and drags a table upright.*