I had stopped by the S.S. Redbeard earlier for the fingerprint analysis, and indeed Redbeard noticed me both times I visited the premises. Luckily, his desire to act innocent was enough to protect me from bodily harm. He probably assumed that a relatively new member of h2g2 wouldn't have the resources to catch him at what seemed to him to be the perfect crime.

The analysis of the poison in the Guinness is taking a long time because some hitherto unknown DNA has been found in it.

Possibilities:

• 
  aliens
  
• 
  genetic engineering by Crater Labs Inc. [Editor's Note: Crater Labs supports Celery and Webjello.]
  
• 
  something derived from magic acorns
  

Further research shows that Affy¹ has invented a pan-dimensional whatnot to take CLI cronies on safari. Read
this thread.

I suggested that we turn over the samples to someone with a scientific background who could determine whether they match. However, I was unable to find a qualified examiner who could finish the complex tests before my deadline. So I took matters into my own hand.

Redbeard claimed the substance I recovered from his ship was basic capuccino.

I have a bad tendency to dump cold coffee out a port window if I'm not close to the sink.

I decided to test his explanation on a lab animal. But where to find a lab animal at two in the morning? Of course, I knew the only answer. Was I bypassing my own journalistic ethics? Perhaps. But I was desperate to prove my case. I felt the evidence I gained would only exonerate me.

I lured one of Redbeard's cats, Falstaff, from beneath his bed with ordinary cat treats. I only shudder to think what might have happened if Redbeard woke up during my late night run. After nabbing the shy and quiet cat, I took Falstaff back to my user page. Then I fed him some of the goo Redbeard had thrown out.

Of course Redbeard had thrown the substance out. It was poison! I watched at the cat grew ill, fainting for a brief moment before coming around again. Luckily, I had given Falstaff only the tiniest portion of my sample.

This proved conclusively to me that Redbeard was in possession of a quantity of lethal poison, and knew it. But this did not rule out the possibility that someone else might have had some of the same poison, and might have used it against Demon Drawer. I needed that something extra to truly make my case.

After returning Redbeard's mostly recovered cat to its place beneath his bed, I went back to examining the other evidence. I knew I would have to find something that left no doubt in anyone's mind.

Next: The Security Camera

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