h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Kiddo:AAAHHH!! WHAT?? WHO?? WHERE?? WHEN??
*Runs
stumbles
trips*

Ow! Oof! Wh-what happened?

*The Pterodactyl (i hate the way they spell that) swoops down at Kiddo. Kiddo jumps out of the way, norrowly missing the Pterodactyl's beak thing and having his leg ripped off.*

*Kiddo grabs his spear. The Pterodactyl swoops again, Kiddo stabs*

*Wings flap, a mighty screech. A scream. Stab again.*

*Kiddo gets a cut across the chest from the Pterodatyl. He jabs his spear at it's face, almost hits it.*

*Swoops again. Kiddo dives for cover.*

*Kiddo throws the spear and it sticks in the Pterodactyl's wing.*

*Kiddo has his slingshot. He grabs a rock.*

*The Pterodactyl tries to pull the spear out.*

*Kiddo swings the rock, slings it at the Pterodacyl, Splat, right in the eye!*

*flutter of wings
Well done Kiddo!
Keep it up!
I've been flying round mustering up help for you! It's on its' way!
{that's if Kes can tear himself away from Peaceful Earthling}
*watches the ensuing battle with growing anticipation
thinks: Will help arrive in time? Will Kiddo need any help? He's VERY brave....

*Kes runs up, wielding a tripod*
*Whack!*
Take that ... and that ... and ... Ye gods - it's big - like BIG.
*Prods it in its midriff with the tripod (fully extended)*
You ... thing. Do I have your attention?
Put my friend down now. *Prod, Whack*
Thank you.
*Waves arms around to keep its attention away from Kiddo*
Kiddo - run for it - back down the track to camp, and stay close to the trees so it can't grab you.
Go. Don't just stand there - Go!
*The reptile starts to look towards Kiddo, so Kes lunges again with the tripod*
Listen, you ugly thing, you have interrupted the second best thing that ever happened to me, no, actually, thinking about it, it was the best, so I am very, very pissed off. I've got a good mind to ...
*Blank. Kes realises that if he had a good mind, he wouldn't be doing this*
Shoo!

*Something overcomes Kiddo and he leaps at the wounded reptile.*

*With great effort he finally gets the spear. He jabs it into the Pterodactyl's chest. He's almost slung off. Stabs again.*

Thank you, Kiddo, but retreat was more what I had in mind.
*Whack - at the base of the toothed beak*
Ha! You didn't like that, did you. You've got a soft spot.
*Whack xN*
*The tripod is not looking too flash - actually, it's more of a 1.5-pod. They don't make 'em like they used to. Kes rams it into the creature's beak, which proves adequately distractin, and retreats into the trees to meet up with the others*
Has it given up, d'you think?

Kiddo: *Stab!* *Jabs!* *Slash*
HA HA HA HA HA HA! I think we've won! Kill it! It can feed us for a week! ARG! *STAB in the troat* HA!

Thanks Kes for coming to my rescue.

Kes! So brave!!!!! So selfless!

Here! The license plate from the shark... It has metal edges... see if you can use it!

Quick!

* Hides behind a tree...

No, it's all right, seems Kiddo's managed to kill the poor thing

* starts to feel sorry for the poor ptero-whatever- probably the last one - and the kid's got to kill it!

* then again, Kiddo's quite nice + also deserves to live - a dilemma, definitely!

Thanks, Peaceful.
*Kes climbs a few feet up a tree to consider an attack from another direction. A branch breaks - he falls. En route to earth, waving his arms about (as you do, you know) he slashes the licence plate through the reptile's throat. It subsides with a gurgle. Kes hits his arm, head, shoulder and legs on bits of scenery, and (for the first time this week) seriously thinks about going home.*

Kiddo: Now, how do we get it out of the forest so we can clean it and cook it?

Ah, hmmm, forgot my lipstick... be back in a ...

* Peaceful runs back to camp, very swiftly and elegantly.

Kiddo: Well Kes, any ideas how we move this thing?

After last week's fish, I'm really not sure about eating ... that, but I suppose you're right. My mum always says that if something's too big, you just cut it into pieces - she went on about a chocolate elephant after that, and I lost interest, but .. maybe that's it. Look - there's not much to the wings - I mean, they're big, but they're only leather - and only one bone joint at the shoulder. They should come off pretty easy ... and we could use all that leather - so don't tear it. The we should be able to drag it downhill.

Kiddo: Ah, good idea. Let's get to it.

*Kiddo works a long while trying to remove a wing. First with his spear, then his knife, then a rock.*

*Finally he got the thing off. Very messy, but off.

*Kes has hacked at the other wing using the licence plate - even messier, but detached*.
Whew. Hey Kiddo - you don't look too pretty any more - have you seen your bruises - and we'd better fix the cuts. First. let's see if this thing will slide. Everyone push - Peaceful ...Peaceful? Where's she gone?

*Kiddo looks down at the cut across his chest.*
Kiddo: Yow, that smarts. It's not too bad, I guess.

*Together they all drag the Pterodactyl thtough the forest and out onto the beach.*

Kiddo: Which way? Who's camp?

OK. Our camp's quite a bit nearer. We've also got a mean barbeque. How about we deal with the beast at Yapong camp, and you can take as much as you need for the others - also half the leather. Is it a deal?
*Kes notices that PE is standing aside, looking upset, and goes to talk to her. After a minute, he returns*
Look - I've told peaceful to go back to camp. She's upset. I didn't know, but she's a vegetarian - doesn't hurt animals, so she's feeling bad about the late Pterry here. Mind you, I'm very glad she overcame her scruples and passed me the licence plate. That's another life i owe her.
Look - I'm sorry I was a bit slow arriving back then. The truth is, I was .. well, I was distracted. My mum says you need to keep your mind on the job, and my dad says his mind is always on the job, but ... what I mean is .. I've always been pretty useless - too little, too late, too slow ... and ... sorry? OK?
Come on - let's move this beast.