h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That just leaves Elentari to find (or not) anything that needs tidying up

*arrives a bit late*

Thanks for asking, BH.

Ok, very very picky corrections, most of which could be done by the sub ed:

"The problem is, Greek history is most commonly supplied to us from the other great city-state of Greece, Athens: Sparta's traditional enemy."

I would reword this as "The problem is, Greek history is most commonly supplied to us from the other great city-state of Greece, Athens - Sparta's traditional enemy."

Can you also link to the EG entry on Athens?

"The two were complete opposites, and one of the best examples of this was in their concepts of the individual's relationship to the state." You haven't explained the difference.

"a culturally unsophisticated (in comparison to the Mycenaean Greeks), but fierce, people coming from what is now Albania."

I would suggest

"a culturally unsophisticated (in comparison to the Mycenaean Greeks), but fierce people, coming from what is now Albania."

"The Mycenaean civilisation which preceded them melted away and the Dorians settled in the southern part of the Greek peninsula, at Sparta, in four villages (named Cynosura, Mesoa, Limnae and Pitana)." Thi implies that the villages already existed - is that the case? If not, it needs a little rewording.


"They obtained an alliance with the city-state of Argos, and revolted in 640 BC. And not only did the Messenians come close to victory, they also came close to razing the city of Sparta itself to the ground."

I wouldn't start that sentence with "and", and you say "came close" twice ->

"They obtained an alliance with the city-state of Argos, and revolted in 640 BC. The Messenians were not only nearly victorious, they also came close to razing the city of Sparta itself to the ground."

"So the Spartans took up a new political system" -> "Therefore, the Spartans..."

I would mention that the reason Spartan women had such physical training was so that they could produce healthy children to be soldiers of Sparta.

"Below the Spartiate were the Perioeci , or 'dwellers around or about'." Delete the space before te first comma.


"In no other war were so many cities captured and unpeopled," I'm not sure what you mean by "unpeopled".

"Thanks to the Long Walls, which linked Athens to its port city of Piraeus, Athens could import all the grain it needed from its other territories."

I would add a mention of the navy:

"Thanks to the Long Walls, which linked Athens to its port city of Piraeus, and its powerful navy, Athens could import all the grain it needed from its other territories."

"Attica" - you haven't said what Attica is. A footnote like "The land surrounding the city of Athens, which was under its control and peopled by Athenian citizens." will be fine.


"Age of Pericles" - my entry on Pericles has been recommended now, so maybe you could put in a link? I'll find the A number.

"Thermopylae was what Sparta was famous for," I would make clear at this point (I know you've already mentioned it) that Thermopalyae was a battle in the Persian War).

I really think this is a fantastic entry, and well done to laconian for doing so much work on it!

The Pericles link: A9370064

Should helots be capitalised?

By the way laconian, would you consider putting your Greco-Persian war entry into PR? I scanned it and it looks great! We really do need more entries on Ancient Greece.

Differing with Elentari:

a culturally unsophisticated (in comparison to the Mycenaean Greeks), but fierce, people coming from what is now Albania

If you remove the comma after 'fierce', you have to remove the one before 'but' as well.

I see nothing wrong with starting the sentence with 'And'. It makes the style slightly more casual.

I wouldn't change "So" to "Therefore". "Therefore" suggest that the ensuing actions were inevitably caused by the preceding events.

I agree with all the rest of Elentari's suggestions, particularly the one about Thermopylae.

G

Hmm, fair enough. Those are good points.

I'll put the kettle on and have some while waiting for Iaconian to reply to those posts

Made the changes - though I left a couple alone. I think it would be better to leave the 'so' in instead of changing to 'therefore', and there was a small bit on Attica before, calling it Athens' home territory. Is that enough or does it need more detail?

Sorry I'm a bit late in answering - I had made all the changes a couple of days ago before I accidentally unplugged my computer before updating it . Let me know if there's anything I've missed.

Sorry if you said about Attica before, I must ahve missed it.

Are we good to go then?

I reckon so. I just had a read through and I can't spot anything.

As for the Persian Wars entry, it is a bit like this entry was at the start - a good skeleton, but needing a lot of work. So I'll probably go over it before putting it in PR.

Great stuff! Drop me a line when you do and I'll take a look.

By the way, if anyone here knows anything about Alexander the Great and feels like popping over to my space to help me out on an entry about him, please do!

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

Congratulations laconian!

It's a credit to the guide.

'Twas hard work, but 'twas worth it .