h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hallo everybody,

I am happy to present you with my virtual pub. Please come in and take a seat, virtual homebrew will be served in a minute.

*admiring the Hoopoe before stepping up to the bar*

I'd like a Vanilla Delight, please. Do you take American money here?

Sorry, we go in for minority cash, but beeing the first customeress the drink´s on the house.
*taking the liquer from the fridge Engländer adjust to the new job as virtual barkeeper*

I do not know yet, if I am going to run this here as an real english pub or more like a german "multikulti Kneipe" (this would be a multicultural pub). Might be worth another article. There is one on pubs in Düsseldorf, but about the culture--- Sorry, I´m talking to much, here´s yer drink!

Zum Wohl!

Thanks!

*gulping down the surprisingly smooth alcoholic drink*

Not bad, not bad.

No, do go on. What's a multicultural pub like? Do you get to tell your troubles to the bartender as with regular pubs? What's the culture like in Dusseldorf?

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'Nice place you have here.'

....takes seat, and waits impatiently for someone to come over to take the drinks order.....

OOps, I´ve just been down the homebrewery, checking the progress of the new muck... sorry, batch of beer.

What would you like, or should I just leave you deciding a little longer?

*looking around for anyone else ordering*

I'd like to sample your finest ale.

What do you have?

Sorry, was a bit of the line, just a minute to readjust...

Well, we´ve got the 1999 Hoopoe´s Gold, A bitter ale, made of the best ingrediants.

I´ll just bring one round, and would you like a scone? Just made some...

The 1999 Gold it is then. And a scone, why not? A perfect complement to a fine ale!?

I'd like a scone too, please.

Looks like we help ourselves.

*Reaches over to grab a scone*

Wonder if we can help ourselves to the beer as well?

*If I lie down underneath the tap, will any one notice? ponders*
*can I reach the handle lying down?, mmmmm, perhaps pouring into a vessel be better!?*

Um... Please don't pour beer into your own mouth. As a gentile lady, I might be offended.

Wouldn't want to offend a lady, and a gentle one at that.

Shall I pour you a beer, as I'm helping myself to one?

*goes behind the bar and starts pouring beer*

Sure!

Gee. Thet was a long pour! But it looks like a fine ale. Here, have one of these scones to go with it. Nothing like a good scone with fine ale?!

So me behind the bar, you in front. Isn't this where you tell your problems to the bar tender?

Why, I do believe it is.

*pausing to partake of the ale and scone*

Faboo scone. Anyway, what do you do with a guy who can't seem to get motivated?

My bf's awesome at taking care of a crisis, but don't ask him to do little things like take out the garbage, get a haircut, or schedule an appointment with a doctor. I've tried being nice, being mean, and breaking down emotionally. I just really can't rely on this guy. Nothing works. If I do all the work myself, I just get angrier and angrier. And yet, he sounds very sincere when he apologizes. Since he comes through during hard times, I don't think he just doesn't care.

Any advice for a girlfriend down in the mouth about this problem?

Nice scones, eh? Go well with this beer.

Perplexing problem you have here mam. Well we know what doesn't motivate your bf, and some things that do, like a crisis.

This is just a suggestion mind you, but you may want to use the 'good in a crisis' to your advantage. For instance, if you would like him to take out the garbage, set it on fire. With the doctor thing, treat any medical symptom as a life threatning condition. Over reacting may not be the best idea, but once you perform CPR and rescue breathing on him a couple of times, he might get the idea. The hair cut thing got me stumped though. I might need more of a picture here. Is it too long, too curly, too messy?

Another scone? And a refill of course.

Wow, Neugen Amoeba! Your advice really worked!

I read my bf your response so he would understand the changes that would be taking place in our home, and all of a sudden he seems much more motivated. I feel he will jump into action immediately at the slightest threat of a "crisis" in our home, at least for a while.

As for his hair, it gets unruly simply because he doesn't get it cut often. It is long, but that's not the problem really.

Glad I could help, mam. I'd keep a fire extinguisher handy, though.

So how about another beer?