h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Squeaking door. Duck under cobweb to enter.

"Anybody home?"

Drinks left on the bar, condensation on the sides of several glasses half-full on tables, but no one around. The place is empty. An inevitable neon sign advertising some obscure brew blazes from a wall, but there is no sound.

Step in. Let the door swing shut.

Instruments rest on the stage, lying vulnerable on their backs. Move closer. A cracked oboe. A tray full of harmonicas on a stool. Two dreadnought acoustic guitars with necks resting across each other like giraffes in love.

"Damn, no resonators." Check the guitar cases propped against the wall, but they're both empty.

"Hell, this doesn't have to make sense," I say to no one in particular. I lift my arms and wrap them around a big hunk of air, which changes from gas to solid, a steel-bodied tri-cone resonator guitar. It has those silly palm trees etched on the body of it, but it'll pass. Pull a slide out of my pocket, bottleneck cut off a bottle of Ernest and Julio Gallo and smoothed against a section of sidewalk.

I sit on top of the bar and sing to the empty room until somebody comes in.

Just passing by, and peeps in, attracted by the sound of the guitar.

"Hey this place is..." ...kaff-kaff... "...dusty. I wonder why its so quiet here?"

I tiptoe around empty stools and dusty tables towards the abandoned bar, help myself to a bottle of single malt whisky and two glasses. Wipes dust off glasses with my sleeve, and pour two large drinks, one of which I hand to the guitarist.

"I like the guitar," I say to him. "It looks a bit like a National". I take a sip of my drink. "Do you play Blues?"

This post has been removed.

*E wobbling in from the backdoor (while testing his flashy homepage *

Hallo ser?? s´you finds youre way dowwn heere? Whant a and what is that bit being moderated?

If you need any mooore infomation abouts me three entities, then go to the Tshörmen Homespace. E´s out of password at the moment...

Post 3 was a bunch of blues lyrics, half my own, which have been moderated out of existence because they refer to copyrighted songs. I'm sure the estate of Howling Wolf is worried about me writing a variation on his lyrics. I will have to write an essay for the moderators some day soon about the Blues as oral history, about how most blues songs were stolen or modified from people who came before. Since copyrights were unenforcable and maybe unknown to some peformers of the 1920s or thereabouts, the greatest Blues players have often been those who make the most unique performances of old standards.

Sadly, the Blues as we know them can longer exist or prosper on h2g2.

*singing*

I came to this bar, for to sing me a song
Yeah, I came to this bar for to sing me a song
But them moderators gone done me wrong
I got them low-down Moderator Blues

I was talking with a friend just the other day
Yeah, I was talking with my friend just the other day
I said somethin' bad, it was moderated away
I got them low-down Moderator Blues

I went down to the crossroads and I fell down on my knees
Yeah, I went to them crossroads and fell down on my knees
And I called to the Devil for to help me please
Cure my low-down Moderator Blues

Guess I'll put on my hat and my walkin' shoes
Yeah, I'll put on my hat and my walkin shoes
And I'll find me a place where I don't pay no dues
I got them low-down Moderator Blues...

You might already know about this place but if not, check out [URL removed by moderator] There's also a blues section off [URL removed by moderator]but their site appears to be down atm so I can't check if its still there.

::the Muse of Blues wanders in, drawn by everybody having the blues::

Hey... look at this place... except for the moderation, it would be... bluesy...

::pulls his black lacquered Squier Strat out of his pants::

So I guess we'll have to stick to originals, or instrumentals...

::starts playing "It Don't Mean a Thing," in the style of Charlie Byrd::

This place is bluesy bluesy jazzy funky...

It realy is a pitty. Before the site went down, there was a real intersting conversation going. Fragilis, the Guru, she came by and played a few pieces on the piano. I guess I know, why they aren´t available any longer. As for the toilets. I had toilets, which were designed by my own hand. Well, they are gone to. So please...

*grubles* I was kinda hoping the moderators used an automatic search engine to find urls so I tried to disguise them by writing out the dots and slashes in full. I guess they really do read everything word for word.

Hope you get the toilets fixed soon. I'm gonna need 'em if I keep drinking this.

Englander,

I noticed when I first visited here (from a link by h2g2 huge list of clubs) that there were no conversations showing. Were there many from before BBC took over? All erased after the BBSiege, or are they just "hidden pending mutilation?"

I was worried when I thought my old posts would be hidden for ages, but encouraged when I saw that they could be brought into view again by simply updating them. The worst things I've seen lately that are just wiped out until moderators get around to reviewing them are users' journal entries, and now I'm wondering about all those old message threads? I've seen some date January and November, from before the BBC buyout. But what happened to yours?

I believe they are gone for good. Not that there were many, but I guess they were a little rough, a little to much on the copyright side, and I cannot remember how much of it was in german...

Have a , Homebrewn!

*wondering by battred-Strat in hand, is distracted by the music
*pops head round door
Nice
bluesy
very nice
bit quiet
*wonders in lettign the cobwebs fall as he brusheds by
*cobwebs fall onto the guitar, and leave a silver traced patturn over the dented and scratched surface
*pours and
*waits to see who will turn up
Hmmm, slight smell of revolution in the air, very bluesy very nice *
sips

"Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miserables just popped into my head.

I know, it's not bluesy, but it seems damn fitting...

My god! people!?
*sips

*peeps in*
Do you know that the link of this place on your MaH homepage doesn't work? It misses /guide/

Mmmm,
*wonder how he found this place.
*pours 13 glasses of and lines them up on the corner of the stage
*plugs guitar into the JCM 800 and begins playing a slow, methodical composition,
Hmmm,
Hmmm,
More jazz I guess really.
*begins on 1, 2, and 3, of the 13 s lined up on the stages edge,
Oh,
yeah...

Oh, yes... that could be... I´ve got a few bugs on that page, but I´m to busy procrastinating, so I don´t get around to correcting that thing... Perhaps, but no...

*The polyentity split up, to go about some cleaning... Hope the visitors might like the and stay a while...*

*E goes past the stage and does a soundcheck on the microphonesystem and the instruments...*

We´ve got the blues...(da da da da damm)
Cause the ´s no muse(da da da da damm)
We´ve got no juice...(da da da da damm)
Cause it´s not what we brews...(da da da da damm)

I´ve got that damn old feeling (DA DA DA DAM!)
This damn old ceiling will come down on us...DA DA DA DA DAMM DAMM DAMM DAMM)

*QWeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng,,,Ba bab bweeeeng bweeeng ,,,, dawodooodab*

It's a long time you haven't been here.

*E over the mikrophon*

It´s been a loooooooooooooooong, time gone now....
And it will be a looooooooooong time goin`...

And it apears to be a lo -ong
apears to be a lo- ong
apears to be a lo- ong time
such a long long long long time. before the dawn....

*Hey, that is good old Crosby, Stills and Nash, if you know what I mean???*