h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Anyone who succeeds to kill the Celery will be highly rewarded.
Since it has no family it should be terminated.

*Sounds can be heard emitting from Big Mad Mr T's large, heavy glasses*

Ah ha! I've got you. Caught in the act.
This tap- er... these glasses are being sent STRAIGHT to Watchdog.

Just you wait until this is ALL OVER a Weekend Watchdog special!

Ah as the first PR here I'll be taking notes.

*Get out journalistic pad*

*Lends DD a pen, and a typewriter, and a PC, and a dictata-phone thingie*

BB & DD - Journalists extraordinaire!

You what happens to journalists who are to nosy. Be carefull what you write and say now.

Celery: (species Apium graveolens), herb of the family Apiaceae (Umbelliferae).

So now you know something you didn't know before: the Celery's name is Herbert Apiaceae.

Why do you want to kill the Celery really, Don Alfredo? Would it be because Styx won't betray him? I have the tape of your offer.

What offer are you talking about, I deny everything no matter what kind of tapes you have. There is a great chance you temperd with them.

Since the Celery has Family I urgently ask not to kill him, because it is very sad for her Family. I can't live with myself if I brake up a good Family.

Okay, just leave Ampton alone. He doesn't ahve a biological family, but he's considered a family member, okay?

*Shudders at the thought of what would happen if everyone without a family was killed*

A concerned roach scurries through

So let me get this straight.

Don Alfredo wanted the Celery killed because Don thought the Celery had no family. He considers having no family as reason enough to kill someone. In that case,

DON ALFREDO WOULD LIKE ALL ORPHANS KILLED!!!!!!!

And just how many has he killed already??????

Pierrot: Aaaaaawwwwk, dead right.

Oops! Someone put their foot in their mouth in here I think!

We seem to have this story pretty well covered by PR's...

*backs out gracefully*

shazzPRME

You assume that an orphan doesn't have family. That is not true ( in most cases), there will mostly be grantparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc.
And you forget that orphans can get adopted into a new Family.
For the record: I don't want to hurt anyone overhere, but sometimes there are no other solutions.
For Example; an good parent gives his/her child a slap on the wrist to correct it. Loving someone means not only hugging but also correcting if the beloved one makes mistakes. Our whole justice system is based on this protocol.

Don Alfredo (To serve and Protect)

Personally, I put killing in a different category than slaps-on-wrists. And I don't think I have come across a situation where there was no other solution but to kill someone. With or without a family.

Pierrot: Aaaaawwwwk, don't shoot me, my brother's the piano player

OK Don Alfredo has further re-iterated his stance here.

He won't kill all orphans. Just does with noone else in the world. No living relatives closer than tow seperations away. I think this is dispicable that he would pick on the most lonely and confused members of our society in this way.

There is *always* a way around killing someone/something. It's just a matter of taking the time and caring to look for it.

You all misunderstand me. I don't want to kill orphans or anyone on this planet (and beyond).

But the very title of this message is "Kill The Celery"! You apparently wanted to kill him. Have you had a change of heart since you posted this a few days ago?

~A Message from an As Yet Unofficial Candidate~

One Candidate actually is for sale! And buying votes no less! I have here
free wine for anyone who wants it, grown illegally on the premisis of the
Aroma Forrest, unbeknownst to it's owner, Irving Washington. Wine for
votes! Remember that campaign promise!

If elected I hereby promise to eliminate all undesireable elements in our
society, and bring peace to the masses under my autocratic rule! I promise
to build the largest military that H2G2 has ever seen. I promise to declare
war on all neighboring websites! All losing candidates will be purged from
our ranks! Wine will flow in the streets, mixing with the blood! The H2G2ian
race will rule the Internet, and I will be its leader!

VOTE MASQUE OF THE RED _______ FOR MILITARY DICTATOR!
HE WILL KILL THE CELERY!

Despite the fact that The Masque Of The Red (Insert Title Here) is one of the best (worse?) members of STUMPED, STUMPED will remain an impartial organization in the election. For now, anyway.

The Krylma Leader

hmmm..
Could it be that the Don wants to kill The Celery because Don ALFREDO feels better served with broccoli?
Just a thought.