h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is down right plagiarism.

What is?

Thats all well and good, but does anyone actually have any?

I think 2 calories is equivalent to 20 pence sterling. In other words, Tic Tacs are too expensive.

Even after buying the things you would expect them to have some nutritional content.

Well, they are, well, hmm....
Okay, tic-tacs have 2 calories, and nothing else.
Perhaps we should resort to clothes pegs whilst taking this scenic route through the drains?

I'm already wearing my dry diving suit.

Very wise.

The wine's waiting...

Well - forward to the booze!
Best nostril forward!

Everyone laughed at me for doing that bog schnorkelling course, but I knew it would come in use someday.

Is that the F&F ahead?

If you can see in the dark, then maybe.

Why, is it radioactive?

No, just a big black hole at the moment.

That'll work for me....
Any reason for it being a black hole?

I suppose it could be a "I can't see the bottom cos there isn't any light down there" hole. But that might just be being silly.

I've got a box of matches...

I nicked the matches from it though...

d'oh!
Right, Plan B. I've got flint and steel. I'll light this fuse thing, it should give enough light to see by.

Ah yes - that should work.