h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[The droid then falls out of the ceiling and lands on MaW's head.]

[Droid] This'n is the Re-Verse. Things're all switched aroun'. Y'all need me t'help yuh.

[YK] Help us WHAT?

[Droid] Wull, git back to th' Universe. Hey, you've got th'class change now.

[YK] I do?

[Droid] Yup.

[YK feels his forehead; he finds the short, grey horn of any Summoner]

[YK] Great. Now I can only summon Ramuh and Shiva.

[Droid] You'll find 'em all.

[YK] Eh. [shrugs] What's your name?

[Droid] I ain't got one, really. I'm an Electronic Lunatic with Very Insane Songs, or E.L.V.I.S.

*Wonders how the felt about the destroyed painting*

<BB<

It was a monster, you dwip!

* MaW looks upset *

I don't like it here!

* he looks around to see if he can find any traces of the translocation spell left *

[E.L.V.I.S.] Y'all need t'find the second Evil IIEM before you can return to the Universe.

[YK] The /second/ ...? How many of those damn things ARE there?

[E.L.V.I.S.] A lot.

Who said anything about going back to the Universe? I just want out of this place - I'll worry about the other thing later.

[E.L.V.I.S.] I tho't I made it clear. This'n is the Re-Verse. You're from the Universe. If you leave the Re-Verse and don't go to the Universe, then where are you?

[YK] Out of existence.

[E.L.V.I.S.] Exac'ly.

Which isn't a bad place, I can tell you. I _have_ been there before, you know.

[YK] Well if it's all the same to you I'd much prefer to go back to the Universe.

[A strange blue-green creature with a red gem on its forehead rides over to them on a blue chocobo.]

[YK] Hey! It's Carbuncle and Chocobo!

[Chocobo] Kweh!

[Carbuncle] .....

[YK] I see.

[Carbuncle] .....

[YK] Yeah, but why?

[Carbuncle] .....

[YK] Okay, fine.

[[Fire]]

[YK throws a smallish fireball at Carbuncle. Carbuncle nods, and then it and the Chocobo become golden spheres of light. They vanish into golden haze, which is absorbed by YK's horn]

[YK] Right. Elvis, what now?

[E.L.V.I.S.] Wull, it's perty simple. This castle is an identical duplicate of MaW's. Y'all jus' need t'find the food hall, ...

[YK] Great.

[YK walks straight into an invisible barrier]

[E.L.V.I.S.] ... and watch out for invisible walls.

Well, it would be easy to get there, if we knew where we were to start with. Can I assume that we are in the same place in this castle that we were in in my castle when we went through the translocation spell?

[YK in the near background, rubs his nose]

[E.L.V.I.S.] Yup, an' in fac' I'll confirm it.

Then I guess it's confirmed.

<BB<

[YK] So ... let's find our way.

* MaW thinks *

[MaW] Well, if we were in the normal castle, I'd say we should go left. Therefore we should go right, right?

[Elvis] Naw, naw, it's idennical to th; Universe. It's just that everthin's all twisted-like. Also, Yes 'n' No are flipped.

Don't you mean no and yes are flipped, then?

<BB<

[YK gives BB "The Stare", which is a look of total disregard for the utterly outrageous words directed his way.]

* goes right *

[follows]

* continues. Goes up some stairs and has the rather uncanny feeling that he's actually going down, because when they arrive it looks sort of like the floor that he would have expected to be below the one they were on *