h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

preview nonfluffykerfuffle preview

. ... . sits down on mattress to pen a note to axi. .. . .

*Arrives with armfuls of wood, intending to fix the broken door. He spots Not-Fluffy through the hole, and goes to sit next to her*

Hi. You're back then?

hmm? (looking at some lovely plans for a dutch door) oh yes... kinda...

did you bring tools?

*Of course I brought tools. *Gets out his toolbox* You take them. I can shapeshift into whatever we need. Nice plans, by the way.

. ...trying to get my mind around just how this will work.. . .

okay... ohhhhhhhh drat, my dutch door plans here are actually plans for building a lambourghini... no wonder i couldnt make any sense of them.

anyhoo... i remember that its just a cut in half door so we could i dunno .... . .looks at shattered door.. . .

could you just become a door?

Yes but then I'd have to stay here for ever...

Don't even think about it!

yeah, i thot of that drawback too...

soo... in the land where you come from... surely there are other shapeshifting life organisms? Surely this survival trait was an evolved type thing. Any plant-like shapeshifters? Or perhaps pet-like ones? Maybe we could import one of them to be our door? If so... what are our choices?

omigod! Is Boris a shapeshifter!!?? .. . . .looks around.. . . where IS he anyway?

or would it just be more fun to repair this one !?

Yes, there are other shapeshifting creatures, but it's more the caterpillar-into-butterfly type of thing. Not much help there...

No Boris is not a shapeshifter. He's just an ordinary spider who started following me around, so I adopted him. Hold on a mo... *whistles and Boris turns up.. Whispers to Boris who sets to work* Here we go...

*Boris proceeds to tie the splinters together using webbing. Soon a perfect door made out of wood is made*

Perfect! Fluffy, will you help me put this door in place?

. ... . sillygetsup from the mattress. .. .. .

of course! what do i do?

nice job, by the way, Boris! here you deserve this!

If you would be so kind as to hold this door in place while I screw it back in. *Sees Boris's puppy-dog eyes* Go on then.

*Boris dives headlong into the cheesecake*

k . .. .holds door in place... . .huffing a little because it is heeeaaavy. ... .

wow, its heavy.

. .. .watches aximili turn into a magnetic screwdriver... .

wow

Piece of cake

*Tightens screws in door*

Okay you can let go now.

whew

. . ...lets go and sillystands back a little to survey the hanging. ... .

looks good aximili!

um... . did we want it to be a dutch door?
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=dutch+door&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2

It looks perfect as it is

I'm bushed. Bedtime. Goodnight Fluffy.

omigod! .. . .looking at watch. ... .

i have to be at an appointment in 45 minutes! still have to clean up after all this hard work too!

"lunch break"? ohh not for you... midnight snack time?

perfect timing!

oops s back in

. ... .sillyapproaches the new door and turns the knob... it opens!!!

yay!

. .. .clicks on the light, goes over to and rummages in toolbox for a tape measure, then proceeds to measure the width of the door... . . . .

uh huh uh huh hmmm okay

. ... .rummages in the pile of wood left over from the door rebuilding, finds what i am looking for (a 6 x half incher), measures out the length to match the width of the door.. . . . then... setting the board on two boxes... sillyproceeds to saw off the toomuchedness of it. .. . ... .. .

sawsawsaw kerplunk ow!

....gets power sander... fits it with rough grade sandpaper... plugs it in and sands the corners off of the two corners on one side of the length of the board....

sandsandsand ow!

. ... finally recovers and pulls out a piece of finer grade sandpaper... sits down on mattress and sillyhandsands the entirety of the board.. . . . .

handsandhandsandhandsand

. ...pulls out two hinges from ruffled pocket, finds a magnetic screwdriver and attaches them to the unsoftenedcorners side of the board... . . .

(nuh uh not going there)

.... . . .sets the hinged board down... grabs the circular saw... unplugs the sander and plugs in the saw... goes over to the door and saws it in half... glad that aximili put four hinges on the door... then saws half an inch off the top of the bottom half... . .

powersaaaaaaawwwsssawwwwwerrrrrrrRRR!!

. ..... .handsands the resulting raw edges. ....

handsandhandsandhandsand

. ...attempts to attach the board to the top of the bottom half just under its edge... . . .

uh oh need three hands here.

!!

ohhhh Boris! please scurry up under this board and hold it up whilst i screw it in? thanks!

oh this is all wrong aaaaaaargh!!

okay Boris, stand down i messed up

. ... . stands down. .... and i take the board and remove the hinges

@%$&@##!!*%

. ... unplugs saw... replugs in powersander.. .. .sands the other two corners of the board.. . . handsands the corners.. . .. grabs a hammer.... some big nails.... and sillyslams the board on top of the bottom edge of the door... . . positioned so that part hangs over the inside and the outside of it.... and hammers it on...all in 30 seconds. ...

powersandpowersandpowersandhandsandhandsandhandsandbangbangbangBANGtakethatbangbangbangBANGandTHAT!!!!bangbangthump owWWee