h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

. ... .the hulking door troll gestures with one rocky paw towards the lit doorway at the end of the dank and musty hall, then settles back down on his stool to resume his silicon induced snooze. ... .

. ... she hesitates then walks slowly down the hall, slipping off her velvet cloak as she goes. ... . and hands it to the frilly flounced froufrou at the coat check counter. ... .absently waving off the ticket proferred. .. . and then stands in the doorway taking in the delirium of the room. ... .

. ...turning back she asks the animated eyelashes "i say, do you have a Lost and Found?"

. ... .the door troll grunts. ... .

. ... .receiving no answer from either the coat check girl or the door troll. .. .or at least one that is understandable. ... . she turns back to the room, slouches into a high-heeled, short skirted, shoulder-padded, hat-tilted, big-eyed scornful stance and, with one hand on her hip, utters to the room at large. ... .


"What a dump!"

*In a distant corner of the room, a dark shape stirs to examine the newcomer. His face is hidden by a wide-brimmed hat, but his eyes are two pinpricks of deep green in the darkness. A long, brown trenchcoat is slung over the back of his chair, and an empty glass is before him on the table. Unnoticed by most of the room, which, admittedly, he closely resembles, he leans forward to take a better look at the stranger in the doorway...*

. .. .adjusting her shoulder purse, she eyes the bar with its dark denizens and greasy barkeep, grudgingly decides it will do, and sashays across the room, sliding onto a barstool and beckoning to the barman. ... . .

.. . .a brief interchange and she has a gin and tonic in front of her... . .

. ...heavily lashed blue eyes peek from under the back of her hat and quietly survey the room.. . .

. .. .she sips. .. .

*Silently, the watcher reaches into his coat pocket again, then his face darkens even more as he realises someone has played the switcheroo on him. A deep, angry grol emanates from his throat...*

. ... .she sips again and crosses her legs. .. .

. .. .a faint smile plays across her lips. .. .

*Angry now, still growling, the shadowy figure notices the smile playing around the woman's lips. He picks up his drink and, keeping to the shadows, makes his way to the bar...*

. ... .the blue eyes slam shut as she turns at his approach, warm brown eyes gaze innocently up at him. .. . .

*Silently, he takes the empty stool next to her, and the barman refills his glass without a word. There is a clink of metal as money is dropped on the bar, then silence as the glass is emptied.

*Without turning his head, the figure sizes up his companion*

. ... .bending slightly away from him, she leans down to adjust the seam of her nylon. ... . her lovely fingers then searching through dark folds in a garment mounded in the shadows under the brass footbar. ... . .

. ... .then, smoothly straightening, she brings the burnished golden object she has found up to the surface of the bar and turns it slowly in her hands, admiring its glow in the dim light. ... .

. .. .eyes flashing sideways for a second then returning to her perusal of the object, she remarks lazily to the brooding man. .. .

"you seem to have lost something... is this your whistle?"

"because if it is, surely a surly fellow like you knows how to make do without it..."

"you do know how to whistle, don't you?"

.. .. .she purses her lips. ... .

*There is a sharp intake of breath from her companion, and his green eyes flash red as he watches the whistle reflect the light.*

"Return it to me. NOW"

*He hisses, so low to be almost inaudible above the backgroud din, eyes greedy and desperate for the prize held between her slender fingers*

... . .all eyes in the joint turn to watch; all minds, no matter how befuddled by drink or desperation, wonder why he doesn't just take it from her, so close it is so vulnerable and helpless she seems. ... .

. ...she pauses for a heartbeat, then turns to him... and as she turns so turn her warm brown eyes to mutlifaceted glittering amber gems sparkling all the hues between the deepest brown and the brightest sunshine... . .

. .. .she slides off the stool and stands beglamoured before him... . . . raises her hand languidly and removes her hat and the roll-style wig attached to it. ... and shakes out short curls all the impossible colors that black can be... from ebony of darkest forest to black of dying embers to darkest indigo of the ends of the universe.. ..

. ..and appearing like stars twinkling in that velvet sheen, in a circlet peeking out from those curls and level with her jewellike eyes that hold him in their gaze, appear a myriad of eyes all twinkling and blinking and gazing around, all colors that eyes can be, and all seeing.. .. .



. ... .she purrs. .. .

And, what, pray tell, my dear sir, is the magic word... ?

*His lip curls in distain, his eyes blaze with anger, knowing that she is toying with him. Slowly, and almost painfully, he inclines his head and whispers...*

Return it to me. Please. It is of no use to you.*

*A silent gasp from the room as he appears to admit defeat...*

. ... her eyes softening, she regards him for him a moment, touched by his apparent humilty,. .. . but then

"Who's to say you won't use it against us again!?" . ...she lashes out. ... . "we still haven't recovered from the last time, you know!"

"Better the enemy you know than the enemy you don't."

*He replied darkly*

"You know it pains me to be in the same ROOM as you after what happened the last time, yet here I am, warning you, and asking you to return what is rightfully mine, and only I may use in safetly"

. ... .all of her eyes now flashing in anger, a kaleidoscope of multi-colored lights race across the walls, ceiling and floor, in disco ball fashion, as she tosses and turns her head in frustration. ... .

"Whose safety? Surely only your own it appears. Certainly not ours... we buried three and another lingers...

...and you KNOW it's difficult to find decent hatchets at this time of the year!"

"My safety, your safety, and that of everyone you hold dear. This isn't about some petty feud any more. This is something... bigger. Why do you think I asked you to meet me here tonight? What happened the last time was... unfortunate, I admit. But this could be catastophic."

. ... .she slumps, then holds out her hand with the golden object glowing upon it. ... .

. ...as he starts to reach for it she clenches it and raises it over her head. ... .

"nuh uh uh not so fast!"

"I admit i shouldn't have been so cavalier to joke about it. Those who have suffered are recovering and that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Use our strength... Please... I will give it back if you will allow us to be a part of this... thing... you insist on pursuing..."

.. . she slides back onto her stool and fiddles with her empty glass... and, as an afterthought, adds

"What are you drinking? I'd like a double."

*He examines his drink*

"I'm not entirely sure. It tastes like horse urine. And I can't do this alone anyway."

*He proffers his hand to his companion*