h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear Mr D

Many thanks, I think this is the biggest gash I've ever encountered!

while your here could you help me with a serious issue which is causing me sleepless nights.

Im off on an 8 day voyage of discovery shortly and it appears that access to a computer is not an option.

Will I still be sane at the end of it?

Dai sorting Aye Bees gash

Dear Dai,

If you shout loud enough I'm sure you'll be able to communicate with us.

Don't forget to kiss it better.

Lads, i'm in a qunadry.. (it's a small frigate i captured off the saaf'ampton coast yesterday)
i am on the aye seas with me crew of lusty sailors.......

but i think i've left the iron on
i know it was on cos i was ironing me 'ot pants, and someone phoned me up.. i've a right nasty burn on my ear..

aye be....nowhere near dai in case he thinks that's me.. it's prenuptious my cousin..
tell him to watch her, she's a golddigga

Dear Aye Be,

Is your house on the no. 6 bus route? If so I'll pop round and turn the iron off.

Or call the fire brigade if it's too late.

oh, would you?? you're a sweetie

yea it's on the route..you just go up to the driver after the big shopping centre has gone past...
well, you actually go past it, it doesn't move...the moving shopping centre is further on, actually i think it's on the number 13 route...
anyway
you look the driver straight in the eye (not as easy as it sounds, he'd driving a big red bus and there's a bullet proof screen between u...
when you have his attention, nod, wink and say 'drop me off you know where mate please'

he'll nod sagely and stop the bus right outside me house...
key is under the bucket..

just in case the house is on fire, the bucket is full of water....

phew
thanks ....
now... ( roars at sailors, and cracks the whip menacingly, well at least until none of youse are lookin anymore, then we all strip again and take out the grog)

Dear Aye Be,

Got to it just in time. It was getting a bit smokey in there.

<>

Sounds like a night out with Cap'n Frapples and the boys from the Jack O' Lantern.

Dear Mr Dreadful,

Where is all the dark matter?

Dear Mr. Ross,

Hiding in the shadows so... I'm getting the strangest feeling of deja vu.

aha.. you know 'em then!!!
excellent company they are

why didn't you say?? you could have come along.
you're turning into a proper landlubber you aaaaarrrre.

we'll probably dump this old tug and get the bus home anyways.. drop by yours later if you have a barrel of the good stuff to spare

just leave a key in your back passage and we'll let ourselves in...

see u there..

aye be invitin meself in where i'm not wanted

Dear Aye Be,

See yer later...

"Puts super powerful divers torch on charge ready to look for the key in Mr Dreadful's back passage"

Dear Mr Dreadful

I appear to be on Pre-mod even though no one told me, should I be concerned and will you figure out who this is from?

Dai

Dear Mr Dreadful

Having just experienced a prolonged period on being unable to contribute to H2G2 I find I am still suffering from the effects of withdrawal.

Even though Aye Bee and I formed a support group thinking we had been pre modded for the debacle with the no 6 the baby oil and the 3 day old halibut, I still find I am stressed each tiime I post waiting to see if I will be removed.

Can you help?

Dai

Dear Dai,

Don't worry. I plan a raid on h2g2 towers. I shall steal their women and rape their gold!

Dear Mr Dreadful

Capital idea, can I suggest carving a large D on a suitably placed wall or door with your rapier?

Dai

(fresh back from moderation torture chamber and coming out party.......)

"just discovered boys that i am trysexual, it's such a relief..i thought there was something wrong with me"

This is an official invite to me Graduation party
Be on the deck of me newly aquired Galleon, a real beauty..

neat dress essential.. and dai, not the dress you wore the last time....your bum looked huge in it....(sorry about that. mods gave me truth serum)

aye be.. very well eddycayted

Dear Aye Bee

I have a neat little off the shoulder number just perfect for your coming out party, should be just the thing to show off me tan, you wanted to see me tan did'nt ya?

Dear Mr Dreadful

I have a friend who is trysexual, should I give her a hand at this critical point in her life?

Dai picking out a dress

Dear Dai,

Sure, why not? Trysexuality can get very boring if you're on your own.


Dear Aye Be,

Just getting ready now, love.

*Puts on frock coat over baggy shirt and brocade waistcoat. Adjusts his breeches, checks the angle of his hat and starts holstering his flintlocks. All eight of them.*

Dear Mister Dreadful

i think i am being stalked

i cant be sure, it may just have been a stiff breeze

but if i am,, can you recommend any measures, metric please, we're not imperial anymore in ireland u know..

aye be, crik in me neck from lookin over me shoulder

Dear Aye Be,

About 75cm of cold steel should do it.