h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is the new thread for Asking Mr. Dreadful (I decided that the original had got big enough to be considered 'archive').

I'm listening.

Dear Mr. Dreadful,

Can I be first to post to this thread?

RF

Dear ReddyFreddy,

Technically you are the second to post to this thread, but I'll tell everybody you were first.

All right. I suppose I'm first to *reply* to this thread.

RF

Can I be the second to reply to this thread?

Dear Mr. Dreadful,

Wasn't the original thread originally in AskH2G2? If so, how'd it get moved?? If not, how did I find it, and am I on drugs I don't know about?

Sincerely,
Shagrath

Dear Mr Dreadful.

As one who has taken your advice on numerous occasions I was shocked, even perturbed to find the office had reallocated without inform those poor soles who cant choose so much as a pair of underpants from M and S without consulting you.

Do I follow the other thread in case I miss some life shattering revelation or stick with the new one?

Yours

Confused and going commando

Dear Mr Dreadful

Why does today feel like a Monday?

Yours bewilderedly
T

Dear Shagrath,

The original Ask Mr. Dreadful was indeed in AskH2G2, I requested it be moved here to the columns new home for archival purposes.

And yes, you are on drugs you don't know about, we all are... the government want to keep us compliant... *Mr. Dreadful leaps out of the window as the Feds start to kick down his door.*

Dear Dai,

You need not follow the old thread any longer, although you may want to keep it handy in case you forget any of my previous advice.

Next time you're in M&S buy the blue all-cotton boxers.

Dear Teuchter,

Today feels like a Monday because the Bank Holiday Demon has stolen our sense of time.

Dear Mr Dreadful

I'm thinking of becoming a but still have all my bodily extremities. Is losing a limb or eye essential, or will possession of a stuffed parrot and silly hat suffice?

Dear Mr. Dreadful,

I too would like to become a . In order to differentiate myself from other , I am considering getting a silly parrot and a stuffed hat. Will this work?

RF

Dear Blackberry Cat,

Luckily for you hooks, pegs and eyepatches are not essential for the modern pirate. Ships cooks, cabin boys and cap'ns all tend to have each limb in full working order (with the exeption of Old Two-Hook Two-Peg No-Eyes McMinty who had multiple personality disorder and believed himself to be an entire crew).

Dear ReddyFreddy,

I see no reason why not. You could also consider a stuffed silly and a parrot hat.

Dear Mr Dreadful

Is 'stuffed silly' anything to do with a jolly roger?
And would I enjoy either?

Once I've designed my jolly roger should I register it as a trademark?

Dear Teuchter,

Yes, both are very enjoyable.


Ooh, matron!

Dear Blackberry Cat,

Definitely, many of the great pirates failed to do this and now their Jolly Rogers are used in films, on t-shirts, etc.

Dear Mr Dreadful

I have been to M and S and as you advised purchased the blue cotton boxers much to the delight of the little woman who does my laundry, she was having serious issues with my jeans.

My best friend has been visiting and during one conversation mentioned he used to enjoy Muffin the Mule, should I be concerned?

Dai