h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For Hire: Evil Mastermind
Centurys of experience in malicious plotting. Author of seven step-by-step plans for global domination. Weapons combat skills developed over several centuries in all known weapons, conventional and otherwise. Personal physical attributes include:poisonous venom, retractable claws, prehensile tounge (capable of strangling most people), eyes that can see in near pitch blackness, and the ability to jump over fifty feet (either straight up or forward). Knowledge of Majic, Alchemy, and mad science -- emphasis on bio-technology. "All in all, I'd say my biggest strength is plotting. Seeing the bright line between the situation now, and what I want. What's the word for that...
Manipulation! That's my primary skill."

SPELLING CORRECTION: That should have been "Magic", not "Majic"

How about "Majick"? I've seen it spelled like that before. Anyway, here's my board. I'll just wait around now.

Maybe I should wait around instead.

"Majic" is used at the Aroma CafŽ, and I try to avoid any public connection with that place.

Yes, KL, it's good to have you back.

~Salutes~

Good to be back, Red. I don't suppose you just *happen* to know the names of all the new recruits, do you?

This is a moot point now, isn't it?

Yes, but I think I've pretty much gotten those things taken care of. I may have to speak with Happy Boy, though, on the subject of continuity.

Another Evil Mastermind

Incredibly Powerful Evincar Of Rath. Speaks With A Capital At The Beginning Of Every Word. Has Huge Armies And Mage Powers At His Disposal. Plans Of World Domination Normally SUCEED. Witty, Handsome, Rathi Evincar With The Ability To Enslave ANYONE. Likes Needlepoint, Carving, And Sculpture (All With Living Flesh), Hates The living, Gerrard, Faliure, Crovax, Moggs, Etc. However, Does Have A Bit Of A Soft Spot For Cats, Dragons, Dogs, Hamsters, Guinea Pigs, And Other House-Hold Pets. And Females. Satan Worships Me, I'm So Evil.

[evillene] didn't you read the mainpage? only STUMPED members are allowed to post for hire ads here. and you're not a member of STUMPED.

I Want To Join. And I Don't See You As A Whore Or Suchlike. I Was Joking. There Are Nice Evil People.

[evillene] *grudgingly* then go to the initiation forum http://www.h2g2.com/F39392?thread=73469&latest=1

Volrath, you may not like that forum, I'm warning you.

Oh, and just so you know, I'm going to start enforcing continuity much stronger. Recent events (Happy Dude, and a few other instances here and there), are forcing me to make that statement. Just a friendly warning.

Bloody Hell.

You're assuming that you can't follow continuity? It's easy. All you have to do is make sure you read all of the backlog, and don't give yourself new powers or weapons that it isn't common knowledge you possess. That easy.

Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
What If I Described My Powers In Graphic Detail?

[well, that makes it easier to stick to continuity]

Just as long as you don't describe yourself along the lines of "Impossible to destroy, can attack with an infinite amount of power, slayer of death, etc." It's no fun when you win and it's definite before hand.

What About:
Incredibly Powerful Evincar Of Rath. Speaks With A Capital At The Beginning Of Every Word. Has Huge Armies And Mage Powers At His Disposal. Plans Of World Domination Normally SUCEED. Witty, Handsome, Rathi Evincar With The Ability To Enslave ANYONE. Likes Needlepoint, Carving, And Sculpture (All With Living Flesh), Hates The living, Gerrard, Faliure, Crovax, Moggs, Etc. However, Does Have A Bit Of A Soft Spot For Cats, Dragons, Dogs, Hamsters, Guinea Pigs, And Other House-Hold Pets. And Females. Satan Worships Me, I'm So Evil. May Be Nigh-Invunerable, But Can Be Beaten (See The Books).

That "ability to enslave ANYONE" might be borderline continuity breach. It all depends on what you mean by 'enslave', I think. And that "Satan worships me" thing just sounds like an exageration.