h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Calmly steps between Jeff and Stirling.*

Would you like another nap?

Ok let me put a preposal to you Richard, Tell me what you want with me and I won't tell your soon to be wife about the Marine Commando Club,Paddington

[Stirling: *Looks nervous* "Err..." *looks around* "Well..." *Suddenly has a brainwave* "What if its just a sort of... casual... visit..." *realises this isn't going to work*]

Get Miss Kinsey on the phone someone please

[Stirling: "Now, now there's no need for that... I want the paperwork, for the business deal? You don't remember, do you?"]

Please, enlighten us.

*Jeff opens his mouth and raises a finger before quickly shutting his mouth again and attempting to melt back into the wall*
[JEFF]: Business deal...some business deal...this is SO unfair

*Thinks*

What paperwork, I signed so much before and after we married

*Wonders some more*

The pre nuptual?, the london property? The land in Devon

*Gasps*

Oh not that old chestnut again, not St Agnes, the thatched church on the Isle of Wight, you can't seriously be thinking of blackmailing me into giving you back the deeds on that

*Laughs*

[Stirling:"The idea had crossed my mind, guess why Jeff's here?"]

He's already told me, he's digging dirt on the SGC for Kinsey and digging dirt on me for you

[Stirling: *glares at Jeff* "Did he now?" *advances on Jeff*]

*walks forward to Jeffs shoulder and glares at Richard*

Don't hit him Bubba, he likes it too much

[Stirling: "Yeah, I still think losing my teeth is a barrel of laughs, that much hasn't changed." *rolls his eyes*]

You wouldn't loose them sir.

They would just be in the back of your throat.

So now that the bad memories, bad feelings, insults and recriminations are now dealt with what exactly is this all about

Perhaps this might go easier if I took Jeff to another room...

*Jeff looks shifty and scowls slightly*

[JEFF]: Well I could just be off you know...I wouldn't want to get in the way...

*He starts heading off through the door*

Take Jeff to one of the secure Holding rooms and make sure there is a guard outside

Now where was I

[Stirling: "Ritual abuse. Don't let me stop you."]